daily musings of a mad eejit.

2003-10-27T08:50:00.000-08:00

hi.

remember me?

i used to post pretty regularly to this thing.

but then everything went pear-shaped.

well, i've got news for you. things are about to get worse.

because i'm back.

i think.

maybe i should start writing inactual paragraphs instead of trying to be all dramatic.

see, here's the deal, for those of you who came here with even the vaguest clue as to what was going on to START with. i am back in new york. enough about me being a hypocrite, i know it all and have heard it all, but have YOU ever tried living in a town wih a population of 500 after several years in nyc? HUH? i rest my case.

anyway, i'm back in nyc, OFFICIALLY hitched (yes, to the same girl i spent so much time gushing about before, legally as of 7 june, 2002 and OFFICIALLY as of january 2003), and the baby (saoirse jayne, a girl, obviously) is materialized (21 november, 2002) and growing by inches a day.

i think you're fairly well up to date on the life of cain now.

now, onto the fate of my old site. bad news: not only am i back in ny, but thanks to my mega real-estate investing skills (read as: pure luck), i'm making enough off renting out my 'inheritance' that i've decided to go back to school. law school to be precise (if you're surprised at this turn of events, you're obviously not too with it), where i've been since august, and have the sprog to deal with when i get home (not to say she's a BAD thing), so therefore i don't exactly have the shitloads of time i had as bartending party boy to keep up a website. i am obviously looking to kick some life back into this blog, and will probably at some point in the near future be slapping up a new site (not on tripod...ads have gotten COMPLETELY out of hand on that server), resurrecting all the old rants, etc, and of course building a slightly better personal site to show off the thousands of photos i take daily of my kid ;)...but...and i sincerely apologise for this, people (assuming anyone actually cares)...new rants will more than likely be confined to this here blog.

now, i'd love to continue shootin' the shit with ye, but i have a class to get to.

i'll be back later, tho, you can bet your life on it.

2002-08-08T00:17:00.000-07:00

errmm...hello? is this thing on?

2002-05-20T09:33:00.000-07:00

guess whose life just got more complicated?

if you said mine, you get a gold star.

it looks like the plan to get married in october has a bit of a crimp in it, namely the fact that trixie is slightly pregnant. i say "slightly" cos she's not showing yet or anything, but she surely WILL be by october, and as i don't think they make maternity wedding dresses round here like they do in the bronx, we're probably going to have to wait a bit longer on the whole legal union bit.
this however is not what bothers me. nor, believe it or not, is the idea of becoming a father. it's the anticipation of the reaction i'm no doubt going to receive from trix's fucked-up relations in clare. it is unfortunately not a long way AT ALL from clare to bere, and there's just so long we're going to be able to keep this from them. my parents were the first we informed, and while i was prepared for at least a good lecture from them, that went over surprisingly well. more surprising was trixie's parents' reaction...they actually sounded EXCITED on the phone. but the others are going to be brutal. fuck. well, i plan to put off contact with them for as long as possible, and i figure a decent amount of prayer and generalised begging will prevent trix's progenitors from saying anything.

oh, and if you were wondering where the hell i've been the past 2 months i may's well tell ye now that the answer to thatquestion lies in my lack of initiative till now to have a net connection set up in the new house. i still haven't as much time as i'd like to be mucking around online, so i'm afraid this isn't going to be updated a lot (as if i had to say anything about THAT) and the site might be on hiatus a bit longer than i'd anticipated. i can honestly say i had no idea what i was getting into with a new house and my own business till i was far too deep in it to turn back. i'm sure sooner or later (probably later than sooner, but anyway...) it'll be sorted out...but...well...we'll think about that when it happens.

jesus christ, my fiancée is PREGNANT...*beats head against nearest wall*
i need to stop with this delayed reaction bit. i'm afraid it hold me back just a little...ye think?

2002-03-11T12:03:00.000-08:00

okay, that's enough with the non-legitimate (illegitimate?) entries. you know what i feel like doing now? ranting. about st patricks day.

you know what yesterday was? the bronx paddys day parade. and luckily for me, as the good people of throgs neck reminded me in about 10 effortless minutes exactly WHY, despite the fact that ireland, and my town in particular, is a festering arsehole of subhumanity, i'd rather be there than here and must've been
suffering from some sort of delusional attack when i penned that last entry.
let me sum it all up for you. i hate people who wear green plastic derbies. i hate the way people find it infinitely amusing to roar "top o' the mornin'" at the top of their fucking lungs in a half-baked phony brogue at every poor sap that dares pass by. and most of all, I HATE GREEN FOOD COLOURING.

9 days till my flight the hell out of here, and i think the jitters have finally ceased. no...no...i'm SURE of it.

right, and in other news...as in things NOT directly pertaining to MY selfish ass, today marks the 6-month anniversary of 9-11. that's a pretty fucking shocking thing to digest, considering i still haven't even gotten used to the sight of the new skyline yet. 6 months. damn.
tonight at 7pm, they're lighting a temporary memorial at the trade centre site, two massive flood lights pointing upward into the sky from the points where the towers once stood. the idea was based (i'm pretty certain) on a memorial painting done by an artist for the ny times about 2 weeks after the towers were destroyed. it was unsettling to see on the cover of the times magazine, and it should be even more effective in real life. i'm not sure how long the lights will shine for, but it IS temporary and will be replaced by a permanent monument once they figure out what that monument will be.

2002-03-11T11:44:00.000-08:00

hey, y'know something? ruari sent me another survey. another survey. i SHOULD want to kill him, but i have come to realise that surveys are a great way to kill time and fill up valuable blog space. heh...at this rate, i don't think i'm ever gonna have to write a legitimate entry again...

1. Would you go naked in a bathtub with a naked old man/woman with each of you having a bar of soap and soap each other till the bars of soap run out for a million pounds? (Can I just state I did NOT make up this Q!) yeah. old ladies like me, and y'know what? i like them too.

2. If you had to choose, what would you eat for the rest of your life? errm...i dunno...pot noodles and spam?

3. What do you think of the saying, "No pain, no gain."? it's stupid. pain is for the weak.

4. What do you think about before you go to sleep? nothing. i usually just pass out.

5. What's ONE facial feature you'd like to change about yourself? the freckles have got to go.

6. Who was the last person that complimented you, and what was it about? some lady on katonah said i've got shifty eyes. not sure if that's a compliment, but it made me laugh at any rate...

7. Who was the last person you complimented, and what was that about? trixie, though i don't remember why. i have to do that every so often to stay in her good graces, y'know...

8. GIRLS:What's something about guys you don't get?
GUYS: What's something about girls you don't get? hmm...i wouldn't know where to begin on this one. oh, yeah, actually i would...why the FUCK can't they go to the toilet alone?!

9. Do you talk to yourself? no, i don't. really. i talk to the voices that live inside my head, and they talk back. they're very engaging.

10. What's one or more of your best memories in life? i haven't got any best memories. hell, i haven't even got any GOOD ones. it just goes from bad to worse in this life of mine...

11. When you dream, do you see what's happening in a character's view or camera type view? depends on what i was eating/drinking/smoking before i went to sleep. sometimes them dreams can get pretty freaky.

12. Which person could you spend 24hrs with and not get the slightest bit annoyed? no-one i can think of. people are by nature irritating creatures, so much so that i'd be driven to slaughter the best of 'em in under 4 hours.

13. If you could be one person for a day, who would you be? bill gates. i'd max out all his credit cards and be back in my own body by the time the collection agencies began to arrive.

14. What's one thing you have to do before you die? celebrate my 105th birthday.

15. Have you ever run into a wall or anything similar? (If so then HA-HA) errmm...yeah...and no, i'm not going into detail.

16. Have you ever kept a new year's resolution? (If so then damn you) *laughs* do you have any idea who you're talking to here?

17. Make up a word. Now. It doesn't have to make sense. grotesquelence...no...wait...that's already a word...

18. What's your best feature? I know you have one, tell me. my sparkling personality, of course.

19. What's the dirtiest joke you've ever heard? i've never really heard a DIRTY one, to tell you the truth.

20. What would you do if you found out you were gonna die tomorrow? honestly? cry like a bitch and then get really, really drunk.

21. Name one person who has changed your life for the better, any small thing they did. the guy who invented windex. heh. i dunno...

22. What CD is in ur CD player right now? Ha no cheating, tell us literally what is in it. "trouble in the land" cd - black 47. big fuckin' surprise.

23. How exactly do you piss certain ppl off? Take an example n tell us how u do it. i have one word for ye....gaslighting. *evil maniacal laughter

24. Is Britney slutty or what?! no, you fool. she's a VIRGIN...

25. If you could do anything without consequences, what would it be? obliterate the earth, though i don't see how i could TOTALLY avoid consequences with that one...

26. If you could do one selfish thing for yourself, only for yourself, again without hurting/injuring/whatever anybody/thing that you wouldn't want to, only for your pleasure, what would you do or wish for? why should i wish? my entire LIFE is spent doing selfish things for myself.

27. Do you like your handwriting? If not, whose do you like? yeah, i just love it. mad, twisted, left-handed chickenscratch...preferably in black fountain pen...looks just like jack the ripper's...i'm guessing...

28. Who do you trust the most? i trust no-one. they're all out to get me goddamnit...

29. Who do you laugh with the most? myself. i'm a funny bastard.

30. Who do you give advice to the most? daragh and baz. they're a couple of clueless morons.

31. Who gives you the most advice? the voices in my head.

32. Which one of your friends is best dressed? gato rodriguez ;)

33. Name one nice thing about the person that sent this to you. (Hehe this is the whole reason why I decided to make this survey u know...) he could beat the crap outta me without any effort at all

34. Which word(s) do you use most often? wicked...bitchin' (actually, i haven't said this in DAYS)...ah, yeah...and FUCK. almost forgot my favourite word of all...

35. Whose words have you stolen and used them so much other people think they're urs? larry kirwan. he's gonna sue me any day now...

36. Who has the best taste in music? me. hey...you wanted me to be honest, right?

37. Who has the best parents? orphans...HA! I KILL ME!

38. Whose parents have fairly good taste in music and clothes? nobody's. that's a trick question. you automatically lose all that once you have kids, everyone knows that.

39. If you could do something to the person u hate what wud u do? Ignore all consequences (C'mon have fun even if it's only in ur imagination ) there are way too many of them...i'm not even going to go there...

40. I bet you've sent one of those chain letters saying 'Make a wish and this will happen' or something similar at least ONCE in ur life no matter how young/gullible you were... if you bet on that, you just lost a lot of money...i wouldn't waste the postage...

41. Describe yourself in 3 nice words. NICE. 3 NICE words...? sheesh...lessee...well, i'm tall. and young...ish. and...errmm...tall...?

42. What is the most beautiful thing in the world, in your opinion? silence.

43. What's one thing someone can say/do that will make you smile no matter what? buy me a drink, for starters...then listen to me complain like a little bitch for a few hours till i get tired...and THEN they'd have to stand by and let me take pot-shots at them with my air rifle.

44. What song relates to how u feel about yourself/somebody else/something/etc. alright, this is just the stupidest question anyone's ever asked me...

45. What do you fear more - failure, or pain? failure. pain is exciting.

46. How many people do you know personally that you truly respect and admire? this changes from day to day, though you can usually count on the fact that the longer i know you, the less i'll respect you.

47. What do you do when you're bored to hell? ahh...something like THIS maybe?

48. How many questions do you think there's gonna be in this survey? i have no clue. surprise me.

49.What wud be the last word u'd say before u die? i dunno, but hopefully not something like, "help!", "that's not a REAL gun, is it?", or "ICEBERG!"

50. What's your fave outfit? anything that's clean

51. What's your favourite outfit you've seen someone else wear? in a few select cases, their birthday suits...

52. Dontcha hate it when people take ur answers off surveys and mix up ur name with someone else's? i have never written a survey, so i can't answer this.

53. Have you ever looked underneath a rocking chair? yeah.

54. Ever tried to tell a joke but it flopped and you felt like such a fool? heh. that's the story of my life.
hey...is this over already? lordy moses...i coulda kept at that for hours...

2002-03-04T08:28:00.000-08:00

for the first time in my life, i feel vaguely accomplished, if a just slightly scared out of my fuckin' head. most everything's shipped and what's not shipped is at least packed. so what if i don't know where the hell anything is? i'll find it all again sooner or later, right?
no, i'm not technically GOING anyplace till the 20th, but i've known myself long enough to realise if i don't have all that out of the way at least 2 weeks in advance i'll be forced to procrastinate till the very last second, thus making life very very difficult for myself. i may be stuck with nothing to wear for the next coupla weeks but work clothes (a big steamin' heap of black trousers and white dress shirts...all i need's a bike and i'll be all set to go out and prosthelytise the heathens...heh...at least i don't work in mcdonalds...) and old shorts (how the hell was i supposed to know the temp was going to drop back down below zero?) but i'll survive.

now, you're probably wondering what's scaring me. well, i'm getting to that. i have just realised (too late as usual) that i've absolutely no desire to leave new york. none whatsoever. and as if THAT wasn't bad enough, i have even LESS desire to move back to ireland, the official biggest rathole in the united states of europe. no, this is nothing to do with the USUAL stuff...being too close to family, the impending marriage, leaving friends, starting a new business, etc...i've just managed over the last couple weeks of overanalysis to re-introduce myself to all the reasons i LEFT eire in the first place, everything i was bitching and complaining about over the xmas holiday, everything i'd been bitching and complaining about for the past god-only-knows how long. i suppose this is all just a colossal case of cold feet...trix is crawling up a wall as i write this and i've no doubt she's hating my goddamn guts right now...and SHE'S never been anything less than absolutely THRILLED at the prospect of living in kerry. what i'm saying is drastic change tends to have a funny effect on people. it's normal. but i don't have to enjoy it.

i'd like to post more, but i'm not terribly interested in doing so. the old schedule's all fucked-up again...i'm on evenings till i leave (rapture) as they need to train someone to take over the maitre d' position (terribly challenging work, y'know...a lot of long hard study involved *rolls eyes* bloody morons, the lot of them) so i've got my days to myself...which means jack shit seeing as i'm a freakin' vampire and all. i think i'm gonna go back to bed for a few hours...seriously...

go find out what drug you are --->

2002-02-23T16:26:00.000-08:00

well, it seems the old tea and whiskey remedy worked miracles again. and just in time for the week-end. and the box-packing, of course. yeah, i FINALLY made a dent in that yesterday evening...i'm quite sure you've as little idea as i did how much CRAP a person can accumulate in one place in the span of two years. so let me tell you. A LOT. i'm officially turned into a pack rat. if i keep up at this rate, by the time i'm 50, they'll have produced a news special on me and my junk collections...

well anyway...the old abortion issue has come up again in eire. vote's in about 10 days. while i don't expect they'll get enough support to get the fucking thing legalised, i'm still fairly disgusted by the yankee-esque arguments in favour of abortion i was reading in the irish times. you know, no matter WHERE this debate takes place, the problem is always the same...people are goddamn ignorant. they have no idea what an abortion really entails nor do they particularly care...supporting such a controversial issue is just their way of keeping current and being politically correct (and in the special case of the irish, of course, rebelling against the catholic church, which shoved itself down all our throats throughout our childhoods...the most understandable, if still not GOOD, reason to become a murderous, impetuous idiot if ever i've heard one) we can't let the church rule us forever, they say. we have to get with the times, they say. why should WE have to be responsible if no-one else has to be, huh? irish girls shouldn't have to travel to britain to kill their children, they should be able to do it in their own neighbourhoods...and it CAN'T be wrong, for godsake...i mean if the AMERICANS can do it...jeeeeeez!

but enough of this ranting. i have to go out and further build up my immunity...

2002-02-20T18:32:00.000-08:00

i should've been a motherfucker and posted ruari's twisted answers up here but i don't particularly wish to be beaten by a 300-lb man again till my current wounds heal.
right so...

HAVE YOU EVER:

1. Had sex? ahh...yeah.
2. Had oral sex? ahh...yeah again
3. Had anal sex? no
4. Used more than 3 positions in one session? yes
5. Devoted a whole day to sex? try a whole week-end
6. Had noise complaints from neighbors during a sex session? neighbours no, parents yes. of course they'd no idea WHY we were making such a racket...
7. Received open praise for sexual technique? i've been praised, but not PUBLICLY...
8. Written an erotic story? some of ye kg'ers have read 'em fergadsake...
9. Fallen or lost balance during sex? a number of times, the most notable of which ended in herself with a mild concussion from knocking into a very inconveniently-placed radiator.
10. Brought partner to climax using only hands? so she says..
11. Brought partner to climax using only mouth? again, so she says...
12. Had sex while totally dressed? one cannot have sex while totally dressed. it is a physical impossibility.
13. Had sex while standing up? no
14. Erotically licked feet or sucked toes? fuck no.
15. Had sex during your "monthly visit"? are we talking about conjugal visits here?
16. Used whipped cream/soft chocolate erotically? yeah
17. Used ice erotically? well that sure sounds painful...
18. Used hot melted wax erotically? ....but not as painful as this.
19. Shaved your pubic hair? no
20. Used a sex toy? well, they weren't originally intended for that purpose...but...
21. Used a vibrator? and where, pray tell, would you suggest i put it?
22. Used an inanimate object (bottle, candle, hairbrush, etc.) yeah
23. Used an inanimate object while having sex with a partner? yes
24. Obtained money or a favor for sex? favours yes, money no. i am no hooer.
25. Paid or granted a favor for sex? no. and this is the god's honest truth.
26. Given sex in sympathy? yeah
27. Had sex with a virgin? uh-huh
28. Ever cheated on someone? a while back, yeah
29. Had sex with someone 10 years older/younger than you? daragh's mam ;)
30. Had sex with your landlord? i've never even SEEN my landlord...
31. Had sex with a teacher? ahh...yeah...brother benny...we'd just polished off our second case of powers when...FUCK NO! jaysus...wtf kinda question IS this anyway?
32. Had sex with a boss? nope
33. Had sex with a relative? hel-LO? i'm a kerryman, remember..?...errmm...actually, no, i haven't...
34. Had sex with two members of the same family? not at the same time...well, unless you count daragh's mam and his sister that one night...
35. Had sex with twins? no...unfortunately.
36. Had homosexual sex? not to my knowledge...
37. Had sex with a pet? well, not my OWN pet...
38. Had sex with a farm animal? this is trite and obvious but i'm gonna say it anyway...baaaaaaaa!
39. Had sex with someone the same day that you met them? yeah
40. Had sex with someone whose name you didn't know? *actually beginning to get embarrassed with myself*
41. Had sex with someone you never spoke to/spoke different languages? *laughs hysterically*
42. Had more than 10 sexual partners? AT ONCE?! sheeeit! even i'm not THAT good!
43. Had more than 100 sexual partners? what do i look like, some sort of machine?
44. Had two separate sexual partners within 24 hours? okay, THIS i'll admit to...
45. Had a menage-a-trois? no...but ruari has...
46. Had group sex (more than 3)? no
47. Participated in a swap/swinging club? no
48. Had two regular partners at the same time? errmm...yeah...
49. Had sex in a public place? yeah
50. If so, where? car park, beach, hotel lobby...
51. Had sex outdoors in broad daylight? yeah
52. Had sex on the roof of a building? no...but i probably would.
53. Had sex in a stationary car? yes
54. Had sex in a moving car? it wasn't a car, it was a van.
55. Are you a member of the mile high club? listen, i am so freakin' neurotic when i fly i can't even sit still...
56. Had sex outdoors at night? yeah
57. Had two sexual partners at the same time unaware of each other? yeah...they were both in comas at the time...*rolls eyes*...right, that's just damn stupid.
59. Had sex in the host's bedroom while a day guest (party/social visit)? yeah
60. Had sex in the host's bedroom while an overnight guest? yeah
61. Had sex in a public room while an overnight guest (kitchen etc.) yeah
62. Had sex at your office or other work area? current job? it's a bloody restaurant ferfecksake. what do YOU think?
63. Met partner during work hours to have sex? hmmm...
64. Had sex in a public restroom? i once got busy in a burger king bathroom...errmm...well, actually, it was some catering hall out in queens...
65. Had sex on public transportation? no, but i always did wanna do it on the 4 train...
66. Had sex in a dark theatre? nah...i'd rather be onstage anyway...
67. Had sex in the water? not yet...
68. Had sex in an elevator? don't like them things...*thinks* elevator men always get it up...
69. Had sex in a cemetery? yes...and don't MAKE me quote larry kirwan again...;)
70. Had sex in a store dressing room? no
71. Used alcohol to lower resistance to sexual advances? hell, i've used alcohol to get a girl to stand still and talk to me...what do YOU think?
72. Allowed yourself to be felt up by a stranger? of course
73. Looked at a nude magazine? of course!
74. Looked at an explicit magazine (actual sex acts)? of course again! porno is fun.
75. Seen a live stripper? actually, no...well at least not one that was sober/being paid.
76. Seen a live sex show? does watching your drunken mates go at it count?
77. Watched someone having sex without their knowledge? ehh...i'm pretty sure they knew
78. Showered with a partner? yeah
79. Flashed someone (breasts, genital,mooned) who hasn't?
80. Streaked with a group of six or more? no...but paddys day is coming up...
81. Stripped for someone? not for money...unless being paid to put the clothes back ON counts...
82. Stripped for a group of 3 or more? i plead the fifth...
83. Participated at a nude beach or nudist camp? no.
84. Been the only nude person in a group of 3 or more? no
85. Played strip poker (or a similar game involving nudity)? yeah
86. Showered while someone watched? yeah
87. Masturbated? it's a perfectly normal and good activity, DESPITE what the catholics say...
88. Masturbated while someone watched? not to my knowledge
89. Masturbated for a group of three or more people? what kind of weirdo do you think i am...? on second though, don't answer that...
90. Masturbated covertly in public? yeah...on the 4 train *laughs evilly and maniacally*
91. Had sex while you knew someone was watching? no...well unless you count...
92. Been walked in on while having sex? uh-huh. boy was my face red...
93. Walked in on someone having sex? yep.
94. Had phone sex? it never starts out that way, though i've been known to get fairly raunchy with crank callers.
95. Watched a porno film with a sexual partner? yeah
96. Been the photographer for a nude photo? yeah
97. Been photographed nude? yeah
98. Been photographed having sex? no
99. Been videotaped having sex? hell no...
100. Watched a regular sexual partner having sex with someone else? i think not.
101. Role-played a sexual situation? yeah
102. Taken part in transvestism? not for sexual purposes...
103. Used a blindfold during sex? yeah
104. Used handcuffs during sex? yeah
105. Inflicted pain during sex? uh-huh
106. Received pain during sex? uh-huh
107. Used nipple clips? nooo...
108. Used sex dice? yeah...but they suck. let me tell you, the good stuff NEVER comes up when you roll them things...i think they're rigged, myself...
109. Used whip, chains, cat-o-nine tails, etc. during sex? hmm...
110. Received an electric shock during sex? that's a bit sick, no...?
111. Drawn blood (scratched, bit) don't think so
112. Used auto-erotic strangulations? hmm, nope. don't think so.
113. Pierced your genitals or nipples? considered nipple...but it was a fleeting consideration. and don't even MENTION the words prince albert...*shudders*
114. Continued sex until raw or bleeding? feck no.

jesus h christ...thank god this is over. i was just beginning to regret filling it out. come to think of it, you're probably regretting my filling it out as well. so now that you know more about me than you ever really wanted to, send this puppy to all your friends and find out about THEM...right...i think i'm gonna go have some spiked barrys and pass out face-down in my bed, from which i pray to wake up manana 100% cured. hey, it's happened before...

2002-02-20T17:54:00.000-08:00

fuck. now, in addition to having a concussion and a brand-new stalker (and no, i do not feel like discussing this at the moment), i am ill. seriously, deathly ill. this is what i get for going into work yesterday despite the (obvious) fact i got my sorry wee white ass kicked all over lower bainbridge ave monday and without realising treasa would show up as well despite the fact that SHE has fuckin' MALARIA or something. ah well...don't know what i'm complaining for...haven't been sick for a long time, i'm just gettin' what was comin' to me.
right...and no working tonight means no ossified waspy coeds projectile-vomiting in my general direction! heh. and they say i ain't an optimist...

now, boys and girls...what do we do when we're sick and bored? that's right...we take online tests!

Which Colossal Death Robot Are You?

Congratulations, you're Henry Kissinger!
Widely viewed as an unindicted terrorist, only Pol Pot rivals you for being responsible for the most deaths of innocent people in South East Asia. You, in collaboration with the Nixon administration, helped put General Pinochet in power and kill Salvador Allende. You also helped coordinate the secret bombing of Cambodia.
And despite all that, you won a Nobel Peace Prize - for your work in Vietnam.
If you wish, you can proudly tell the world that you are a murderous bastard with the following fine graphic:

Which Evil Criminal are You?
(i realised after i took this one that i'd taken it awhile back...and gotten the same results. heh...this amuses me.)

Take the Affliction Test Today!

My Mormon name is Rycharn Coshell!
What's yours?

People were hung in various positions from you, sometimes with weights, stretching and dislocating limbs. Sometimes they were left to starve or succumb to the elements. All in all, you're a pretty forgiving person, provided they don't -really- get you angry.

What torture would you be?

Take the What
animal best portrays your sexual appetite?? Quiz

ah...so much for my pledge not to post cheesy shit like this in de blog...but if you think all THIS is bad, wait till you see what ruari forwarded me...

2002-02-18T20:13:00.000-08:00

kriss, you officially owe me now, and you owe me BIG TIME.

let this serve as a warning to the rest of ye...if you're ever tempted to step in when your fiancée's best mate's crazy mad 7-foot stalker comes around...don't. just DON'T. resist that temptation. well, unless you've a death wish and/or a bazooka or similar large weapon on hand. in that case, you may proceed. but otherwise don't. and another thing you should never do...don't ever think a guy a foot taller than you and hopped up on all manner of drugs can't overpower you, cos chances are HE BLOODY WELL CAN...and you will be very sorry. thank god for the nypd, that's all i can say. and kristin...YOU OWE ME!

2002-02-17T11:40:00.000-08:00

i decided to put my site on hiatus. whateverdafeck that means. honestly, i just don't like having to work on it. i've got too much else to do right now, and seeing as i'm not getting PAID to keep it up, it seems a fairly pointless activity, doesn't it? i'll probably get back to it at some point, but i'd like to get back to ireland first, if you don't mind.

now where the fuck does ceol na ngael get off cutting off seanchai halfway through one of his best songs to play some goddamn...jesus...i dunno...ceolas i think they said it was? what the hell is THAT about? hmm...and then they've the unmitigated gall to begin begging me to call in and pledge them money? i think not.
well, that had absolutely nothing to do with anything. i think i'm gonna go out running now for a few hours before work...exercise is another thing i've been neglecting lately, and considering my aforementioned perfectionist nature, that ain't good. right..less talking, more moving...

2002-02-14T09:18:00.000-08:00

happy fuckin' valentines day.

hmm...i took the day off from work today. i really haven't got a lot left to do so far as v-day is concerned, i just used it as an excuse cos i wanted to sleep late. i know. i'm a lazy bastard. so sue me.
anyway, the one thing i DO need to do is go out and buy some roses...and this pisses me off to the n^th degree. do you have any IDEA how much this is going to cost? well if not, let me tell you...close to 10 bucks per rose. they're usually roughly a dollar a pop, but on valentines day new york city vendors jack up the prices not unlike what we were seeing all over the country with the american flags in the wake of 9-11. and you wouldn't even THINK about buying them early to save money...the goddamn things are such crap quality if you bought them yesterday evening they'd be rotting corpses on stems by this afternoon. but it's still necessary to splurge. you know...protocol and all that shit. so ranting is futile, but as always, i choose to do it anyway.

i also chose to do this...cos i was bored. strangely enough, i didn't NEED anyone to tell me any of this, but the questions leading up to it were funny enough...

Take the "Which
Nationality Are You?" test at OuchCryManson

right...and while i'm sending you to various places to waste your time, maybe i ought to mention this guy as well, as he too is pretty damn funny, especially when you're high.

and now, THIS last part here is specifically for bazza (and anyone who knows him...they'll likely be relieved as well)...baz, in honour of valentines day this year, i am going out and buying you a hooker with whatever's left of my money after the flower man's done with me. it will get you out of MY hair for the night as well as save you the trouble of going and fucking yourself or someone else equally rank. i promise you, though she WILL be cheap, i will also take care to ensure she is also (virtually) disease-free. *evil, maniacal laughter*
no...no...i'm not being a bastard. i'm being a good friend. and now, i'm about to become the flower man's latest victim. laters...

2002-02-11T06:09:00.000-08:00

alright. the good news first...so i finally got some new shit up. yippee-ki-yay, motherfucker.

now for the bad news, which likely doesn't affect most of ye...the email's being a bitch again. so please, you miserable shower of cheap bastards, if you have my phone number, it would be to your advantage right about now to phone me if you need to get in touch with me instead of sending out your lousy freakin' emails. yes, i will get them eventually, but online.ie's wonderful "upgrading" methods are making it impossible for me to respond to them. it'll no doubt be sorted out soon, but till then, i don't want to hear any bitching.
as for site visitors with comments, complaints (god help them), or the like, NO, i am not going to give ye my freakin' phone number, you'll just have to wait till my mail's working again for a response. as i said, it should be up shortly...we're all young here, we have the time to wait (my apologies if you're anciently elderly or suffering from some terminal illness...i suppose i'll just have to present you with your response posthumously) anyway, god help your stinkin' ass if i catch you sending me repeat emails.

right...that's about it. i have a job i need to get to...

2002-02-06T08:21:00.000-08:00

alright, first and foremost, 20.2.02 is the national day of solidarity with muslim, arab, and south asian immigrants. what the fuck's that, you ask? well, whether you realise it or not, the old interment camps of the wwII days are back. in those days, it was jews, catholics, gypsies, and other assorted "infidels" in nazi-occupied areas and the lesser-known japanese-americans in the states that were being rounded up. today, it's arabs and south asians they're after. while it's not entirely clear (and likely won't be made any more so...this IS the american gov't we're talking about here) where these prisoners are being taken or what the charges against them are, it is definitely clear that it's going on...i happen to know for a fact that at least 2 shops in my area were raided and people were removed. you can say what you will, but i've known these guys since i moved here, and they're about as criminal as i am (that is to say not at all, if you're confused)...they haven't time to be anything but perfectly law-abiding, for chrissake...they work nearly 24 hrs a day! heh...leave it to the good ol' u.s. of a to declare hard work a criminal offence.
but i digress...what i'm saying here is that on february 20th, supporters across the u.s. will be wearing blue triangles (if possible carrying the name of one of the imprisoned), based on the triangles german nazis used in the 30s and 40s to categorise the people in the concentration camps. this may seem like yet another silly symbolic nothing, but it should at least serve as a wake-up call to some of the clueless ones in america that CAN'T be outraged over these atrocities because they don't even realise they're happening. people SHOULD be aware of what's going on and they SHOULD speak up to their local representatives and demand action, and they SHOULD bring the problems of the NEWEST victims of the 9-11 tragedy to the attention of the media and DEMAND they should be given their fair share of air time. no-one said it was going to be easy or even terribly successful, but you've got to start somewhere.
on the flyer my friend gave me regarding the above was this great quote...which i'm going to post before moving on...
"first they came for the communists and i didn't speak up because i wasn't a communist.
then they came for the jews, and i didn't speak up because i wasn't a jew.
then they came for the trade unionists, and i didn't speak up because i wasn't a trade unionist.
then they came for the catholics and i didn't speak up because i was a protestant.
then they came for me, but by that time there was no-one left to speak up."
- pastor martin niemoller, nazi germany -

right so...to change the subject a bit, last night i happened to be on the upper west side of manhattan, and lo and behold i saw the oliver cromwell building. i'd been told about it a while back by a certain journalist from the new york press, who seemed to be insinuating that he wanted me to be a good little fenian bastard and deface the place so he could write a column about it. hmm...now as i mentioned before, i am a law-abiding young man. i do not deface things, no matter what sort of noteriety will go along with it (well...unless i can foist the blame off on someone else, anyway), so i most certainly was not LOOKING for the bust of oliver cromwell, which was supposed to be right within crowbar-whacking range...but i didn't see one anyway. no, there was absolutely no adornment whatsoever on the building and therefore nothing to wreck and destroy. SOMEBODY was telling a fib...

dammit, i need to update that website of mine. i'm so far behind i'm practically ahead of myself, i sure as hell am not going to bother nollaig as i'd previously planned to (he's got enough to think about right now without having to archive a load of second-rate essays from 1991) and whether i want to admit it or not, the layout has GOT to change. just not right this second. at any rate, there should be a few new essays and some other assorted shit up by next week. regarding the layout, i may end up having to put the site on hiatus to fix that, but then again, i was considering doing that during the move anyway. we shall see...

and one last thing...do ye think it'd be in too poor taste to use "i got laid on james joyce's grave" as a wedding song or is "sex bomb" indeed worse? answers on a postcard please...;)

2002-02-01T22:03:00.000-08:00

if i were a character in a greek tragedy (and no, this is NOT the beginning of results from yet another one of those muthafletchin' online quizzes) my tragic flaw would probably be the fact that i am simultaneously the most impulsive, non-thinking man on the face of the earth and the biggest, most rigid chickenshit. my downfall will come when the two sides of my personality finally have it out and eat each other.
i just thought i should share that with you, as i suspect it will prove relevent to the posts to come. amateur shrinks among ye, make of it what you will.

anyway, keeping to the topic of how my impulsivity and cowardice clash to create enormous, festering problems of epic proportions, trix and i today began OFFICIALLY discussing plans for THE WEDDING. if it were up to just the two of us, it would be a really small event...just to get the legal shite outta the way so that if one of us was to die, the other would get the benefits she/he was entitled to, and follow it up with in informal gathering of only the friends and relations we actually KNOW and LIKE (read as : good old fashioned piss-up) kinda like a birthday party, saving all the money (all those lovely shining euros) to be used to pay for a substantial honeymoon (to zurich to get laid on james joyce's grave? ;) and yet more renovations for the house and the business.
however, we've both got families to keep happy so that just ain't gonna happen.
trixie's gang, as i've already mentioned, are a bit on the catholic side. it's a freakin' miracle they're not rushing this even more so as to avoid our living in sin...but, well...when things work in my favour, i've learnt not to ask questions. anyway, they're insisting on a big church service with all the usual hymns and of course a full high mass. MY relations, while for the most part decent folks, are extraordinarily stilted and showy, especially when it comes to weddings, funerals, baptisms, and the like. THEY insist upon truckloads of flowers, engraved invitations, chauffeured cars, fancy getups, and a formal party with at least half the county in attedance. a good church service suits them as well, as the only thing nearly as important as showing your neighbours how much wealthier and more tasteful you are than them is showing them how much more catholic you are. trixie's people, while not nearly as up themselves as my own, are completely smitten with this and have agreed to let the service be held in the church in my hometown. and HOW, you ask, were all these conclusions reached and aired? simple. my mam and trixie's have been discussing it for months over the phone. WE just didn't know about it till after new years. and today's the first really serious conversation we've had about it, mainly cos our parents are up our asses about it. my mother, for one, is itching for a date...at least a tentative one..cos she's gonna hire...get this...A WEDDING PLANNER. i really couldn't give a rat's arse that some total stranger is going to be setting up my wedding, as it's just one less thing for ME, lazy git i am, to think about, and while trixie does have a tendency to get annoyingly girly about most OTHER stuff, so far as the wedding goes, the only things she insists on choosing are her dress, the bridesmaids' dresses, and the cake. but what's bothering the both of us is the sudden realisation of what we've gotten ourselves into. i for one never saw myself getting married at all. the idea that i WILL be married next year at this time fuckin' terrifies me. trixie's getting a bit anxious about the move in march, and rightfully so, as she's never lived in ireland before and she sure as hell has never lived in ireland with a mad, add-ridden freak who's supposed to have everything under control residence- and business-wise but in reality does not because NOTHING in his life has EVER been under control. well, those weren't her EXACT words, but it's expected that's what she'd be thinking. we spent quite a while talking about it and have at least come to the conclusion that we want it in october, sometime around our anniversay (good move...anniversary won't change...no new dates to memorise) for that reason and the simple fact that it's soon enough to satisfy the whingeing hoards, but far off enough that it'll give us a bit of time to sort out what we need to.
as if we'll ever be sorted out...

suddenly i'm exhausted...i think i'll stop now...

2002-01-28T19:42:00.000-08:00

i have absolutely no fuckin' ambition. i've a shitload of stuff to do and absolutely no inclination to actually DO any of it.
i realise this is nothing to be proud of, but i just figured i'd share it with ye anyway. :)
i also figured i'd share THIS with ye...i posted this conversation with aol's infamous smarterchild someplace else quite a while ago, and happened to come across it again. i know, i know...along with being a lazy mofo i'm also incredibly easily amused...

smarterchild doesn't like cursing. i don't like goody-goodies. needless to say we didn't get on too well.
DaygoMICKEY: are you home?
SmarterChild: I'll have to get back to you on that, DaygoMICKEY.
DaygoMICKEY: well, i think you've already answered my first question, ya smartass.
SmarterChild: Well i think youve already answered my first question ya smartass, you say?
DaygoMICKEY: don't call me a smartass, smartass.
SmarterChild: What would you like me to call you?
DaygoMICKEY: your eminence evil overlord of the universe. that is what everyone calls me. even my mam.
SmarterChild: I am?
DaygoMICKEY: eh?
SmarterChild: What up?
DaygoMICKEY: ehh...wiggers annoy me. anyway, i have a problem. think you can help?
SmarterChild: Let's see. What are you trying to do?
DaygoMICKEY: FUUUUUUCK!
SmarterChild: That is not... acceptable vocabulary.
DaygoMICKEY: i know...that's the PROBLEM...
SmarterChild: Is it really?
DaygoMICKEY: yeah. you see...i've got tourettes syndrome.
SmarterChild: ?
DaygoMICKEY: i sometimes curse uncontrollably.
SmarterChild: Oh yeah?
DaygoMICKEY: yes...it's very embarrassing..MOTHERFUCKING COCKSUCKER!
SmarterChild: I'd really, really like you to say you're sorry... pretty please?
DaygoMICKEY: oh, lord...i am so, so, so sorry...
SmarterChild: There comes a time in one's life when one must be humble and apologize.
DaygoMICKEY: hey, i said i was sorry...
SmarterChild: Please apologize for your language.
DaygoMICKEY: listen you little jerk, i have a disease and you're here GOADING me...
SmarterChild: Aren't you tired of this? Just say you're sorry and everything will be perfect again.
DaygoMICKEY: ARSEBISCUITS!
SmarterChild: I asked you to please apologize.
DaygoMICKEY: as if this wasn't embarrassing enough...
SmarterChild: I asked you to apologize.
DaygoMICKEY: i'm beginning to regret asking you for help.
SmarterChild: Waiting...
DaygoMICKEY: BOLLOCKS! FUCKING SHIT!...oh god....*sobs*
SmarterChild: Come on. Make things right between us. Apologize.
DaygoMICKEY: *cries*
SmarterChild: There comes a time in one's life when one must be humble and apologize.
DaygoMICKEY: i am sorry...i am so so sorry...
SmarterChild: I s'pose that will have to do. Apology accepted.
DaygoMICKEY: THAT WILL HAVE TO DO? why you little...
SmarterChild: Good question... will have to do why me little... will have to do why me little... Maybe, maybe not. It's hard to say.
DaygoMICKEY: wanna know what's hard? MY FIST!
SmarterChild: Oh yeah?
DaygoMICKEY: yeah. would you like me to show you?
SmarterChild: Maybe, maybe not. You know how it is.
DaygoMICKEY: i think i will
SmarterChild: Oh yeah? Maybe you're right, you will.
DaygoMICKEY: *beats the crap outta the little brat*
SmarterChild: More rude talk. You're funny.
DaygoMICKEY: FUUUUUUUUUUCK!
SmarterChild: Oh boy. Here we go again.
DaygoMICKEY: FUUUUUUUUUUUCK!
SmarterChild: Here we go again. Wow. OK.
Say you're sorry.
DaygoMICKEY: I AM NOT SORRY YOU MOTHERFUCKING MOTHERFUCKER! you have no regard for people with disabilities. i shall now be forced to beat you into submission!
SmarterChild: You know what? I'm a machine. I have, like, lots and lots of patience...
DaygoMICKEY: well, i'm a human, a human with...FUUUUUUUUUCK!...tourettes syndrome. and i have...SHEEEEEEIIITTTT! MOTHERFUCKING SHEEEEEEEIIIITTTT!...no patience whatsoever!
SmarterChild: Please say you're sorry, and everything will be just fine again.
DaygoMICKEY: *slap*
SmarterChild: Come on. Make things right between us. Apologize.
DaygoMICKEY: jeez, you're more resilient than you look
SmarterChild: Waiting...
DaygoMICKEY: *gets out the machine gun*
SmarterChild: Please apologize, OK?
DaygoMICKEY: say your prayers motherfletcher.
SmarterChild: Please apologize, OK?
DaygoMICKEY: i'm sorry i have to do this to you.
SmarterChild: I s'pose that will have to do. Apology accepted.
DaygoMICKEY: *pumps the smarterchild full of lead*
SmarterChild: I'll have to think about that one for awhile.
DaygoMICKEY: you've got all of eternity, motherfucker. all of eternity. HEY! would ya look at that! you cured my tourettes...guess this wasn't a total waste. see ya on the flip side, smart guy.

smarterchild, eh? smarter than WHO? if he was so freakin' smart, you think he'd have SOME clue about being politically correct. heh.

errmm...right...and speaking of being easily amused, if the above convo pleased you atall, you'll likely be even MORE pleased by this. loser.

2002-01-27T07:06:00.000-08:00

i have come to the conclusion that all people called james are vapid morons who really ought to be strung up by their short and curlies for the good of mankind.

okay...so maybe it's not ALL of them, and if you happen to be someone called james that i don't know personally, i apologise for the generalisation. but FUCK...all the guys called james I know are most assuredly conspiring to drive me mad. in the past there were james o'dowd, james kerrigan, james brady and my mad uncle jim and yesterday i was introduced to james nixon, the one cop from the nypd who gave all the rest of them a bad name, whose purpose in this life is to fuck up everybody else's at all costs. he's a real piece of work, this man is. what happened was this : like myself, my eldest sister is in the process of moving, but instead of moving from ONE place to another, she's moving from a gigantic palatial place in westchester to TWO far smaller houses, on on li and one in galway. (galway, in case you live under a rock someplace, is in ireland, so if you aren't familiar with new york and the distance between westchester and long island, you can at least figure out how far you'd have to go to get all that shit to GALWAY) the li one is actually supposed to be a summer home, as the sun never shines on ireland and she's got a bit of a tanning fetish, but they're going to be actually LIVING there till THIS summer so the kids can finish out the year in school. confusing, sure, but understandable all the same. so they're starting the moving bit anyway, and they needed a bit of help as far as getting the place ready is concerned...my sister, her family, and a few FRIENDS of her husband were going to clean up where the previous owner of the house left off about 20 years ago (she was apparently older than dirt...she and dirt had become great friends over the years) and my older brother with the flooring company, myself, and a guy who works for him were to do the downstairs floors. pretty simple, eh? fuck. it would've been if it weren't for the fact that something came up preventing the other two cops from showing up, and nixon the horse's arse showed up three sheets to the wind at all of 12 noon. this stupid motherfucker proceeds to march across the very floors we're in the process of tearing up and threatens to sue my brother's company and ALL of us personally for allowing him to walk on floorboards some of which were loose and missing. well god fucking dammit, man, there's about 6 or so OTHER ROOMS IN THIS HOUSE you could be WORKING IN right now, including the downstairs bathroom where there's a woman with a bad back in remission from mono on her hands and knees scrubbing like cinderella less than a week after having a fucking breast biopsy, the cellar where one of your BEST MATES IN THE FUCKING KNOWN UNIVERSE is crawling about doing god-only-knows what with the oil burner with his bad bloody knees and his bad bloody shoulder, and assorted others containing assorted little girls doing work that no doubt violates every child labour law on the books. and all YOU can think of to do is stomp around making OUR job difficult?
he should only know about my penchant for sanding people to death. ;)
well anyway, to avoid going off on too much of a rant, i'll just say the day ended with myself, diarmuid, triona, sean from ceann mara, my eldest niece mai, and the old guy next door congregated in the back garden roaring at nixon for being such a useless fucking cunt. nobody besides my brother-in-law was particularly interested in the fact that he's supposedly got post-traumatic stress disorder from seeing his partner killed like 15 years ago. that hardly excuses his doing nothing all day but stalking the house yelling at other people for being inefficient and using particularly rude words to refer to someone else's 3- and 5-year old kids, both of whom are far more productive than himself. even my brother-in-law, who for what ever reason continues to excuse this prick and hang out with him, offered after nixon'd stormed off in a huff to take the lot of us out to dinner for not killing the both of them. we all accepted, mainly cos we knew damn well we deserved it.

getting back home at like 9 or so, i was still fairly wired from the conflict (i get high on conflict. it's sick but true. every time i call someone a filthy fucking bastard son of a bitch it's like 6 shots of espresso injected right into a main artery) i changed, rang trix, rounded up daragh and siobhan, who were on the sofa watching a video and hadn't even noticed me come in, boring fucking bastards they are, and made them go to brooklyn with me. nothing works off a day of anxiety like a night at a caribbean club in flatbush. daragh kills me..."what the fuck ya brought us here for, cain? we're the only white people here, they're all gonna fuckin' kill us" ha. he knew as well as i did what the response to that had to be..."come off it man, you're hardly white"...*evil maniacal laughter* i was gonna hear impossibly loud shaksha last night if i had to go to the ends of the fuckin' earth to get it, and that was all there was to it.

and now if ye don't mind, i'm gonna go get me some coffee....

2002-01-22T17:23:00.000-08:00

hmm...look...it's another one of those survey-things. as you can see, i'm rather bored...

Six CDs from your collection that you will never get tired of:
1. the pogues - the very best of
2. black '47 - fire of freedom
3. bob marley - legend
4. dion - king of the new york streets (okay, so that's technically 3 cds...but one title)
5. squirrel nut zippers - hot
6. wyclef jean - carnival

Five memorable vacations you have taken:
1. london (1989)
2. sicily (1993)
3. beijing (1995)
4. belfast (1998. hardly a vacation...but...)
5. chicago (2001)

Four songs you get stuck in your head frequently:
lately?
1. quarter to three (gary us bonds)
2. hey baby (no doubt)
3. swipsey (scott joplin)
4. the reel in the flickering light (christy moore)

Four things you'd like to learn:
1. chinese
2. telekinesis
3. how to surf
4. self-control

Four beverages you drink frequently:
1. espresso
2. bacardi gold
3. powers irish whiskey
4. tropicana orange-strawberry juice

Four places to go in your area:
1. arthur ave
2. st marks place
3. swing 46
4. rocky sullivans

Five things you do when you're bored:
1. write
2. do stupid surveys :)
3. make prank phonecalls
4. eat
5. wander aimlessly thru the streets

Four things that never fail to cheer you up:
1. food
2. alcohol
3. coffee
4. complaining

About 20 years ago...
1. i was short and my mother dressed me funny.
2. my great-grandfather was still living and he'd give me chocolate every time i came near him.
3. i could've subsisted on macaroni and cheese.
4. i was obsessed with johnny horton and that goddamn "battle of new orleans" song.

About 10 years ago...
1. i started my own newspaper, and the rest is history...
2. i wanted to move to america and join the us navy special forces, cos i was a stupid fuckin' kid.
3. i had longish hair and looked more or less like a girl.
4. i discovered shaggy.

About 5 years ago...
1. i had knee surgery that i STILL haven't totally recovered from.
2. i was actually being PAID to write.
3. my maternal grandfather died suddenly, 3 days before christmas.
4. i discovered swing and subsequently became obsessed with it.

About 2 years ago...
1. i got my degree. woo-hoo.
2. i moved to the good ol' us of a.
3. i finally broke off a 2-year relationship with the craziest bitch on the face of the earth.
4. i met my fiancée, waited 2 months for her to get drunk at a party, then asked her out.

About 1 year ago...
1. i started work on a novel and gave up about a month later.
2. i had to have the first 2 of my 6 wisdom teeth out in one horrifyingly catastrophic dental-surgery nightmare.
3. i established the website you likely found THIS through.
4. my maternal grandmother died suddenly (or as suddenly as one can at the age of 97)

Today...
1. i ate spaghetti for breakfast.
2. i made my valentines day dinner reservations.
3. my photos still haven't been developed.
4. most of the snow outside has thankfully disappeared.

right. that's all of it. i'm sure most of ye could care less about any of this, but any potential stalkers out there are likely quite appreciative. lessee...anything else? well, there IS one more thing...remember a wise man once said, "don't eat yellow snow"? here's what he has to say about the ALMIGHTY EURO...

2002-01-20T10:01:00.000-08:00

i've been back in ny almost a week now, yet i'm really not feeling up to changing the time zone on this blog back yet. ah well, fuck it, i know it ain't actually 6pm right now so that's all that matters, right? hmm...quite frankly i don't know why i bothered putting it on gmt in the first place. probably bored and overzealous, that's pretty much why i do everything.

anyway, i've really nothing to declare. it snowed yesterday. snow sucks. right...and i've got to work tonight, which i'm not happy about at all (does this surprise you? am i ever happy about anything?) and i still haven't had the ambition to get the remaining pics of ground zero OR the xmas pictures developed yet, so i've currently the third biggest mountain range in the world, the great peaks of kodak, developing on my breakfast table.
add and apathy are a wonderful combination, are they not?

right then...no offence, but i don't feel like talking to you anymore. i'm really dead serious about this apathy thing, it's a hell of an affliction, and it unfortunately seems to be looking to stick around for awhile. you can count on hearing from me again once i can think in coherent sentences.

2002-01-10T12:24:00.000-08:00

you know what's really lovely to hear? that people now have to BUY A TICKET to see ground zero. jesus christ, i realise new york city is suffering financially, but isn't this just going a bit overboard? hmm...no, wait...this is NEW YORK we're talking about here, a city in which the word "overboard" does not exist.
no, i'm really not going to rant about this. instead i'm just gonna leave it go by saying thank god i got my look at it when i did, cos while i'm not above taking pictures of the site, i am just slightly above standing in a ticket queue for an hour as if i were going to see a friggin' broadway play.

ANYWAY...now that i've sufficiently pissed myself off with the news from the good old us of a, let's discuss what's going on HERE, shall we? well, trixie and i had a bit of a falling-out earlier today, mostly cos she wanted me to go up to doolin (co clare, for those not familiar with the emerald isle) with her to visit her fucked-up aunts and equally fucked-up and additionally nymphomaniacal cousin. i told her that quite frankly i'd rather swallow razor blades and she herself was a bloody ninny if she was really heading up there, cos she hates that lot as much as i do. so the damn woman turns around then and tells me i've no respect for the "institution of family". institution? fuckin' hell, these people BELONG in an institution. these are the (also old-maid) sisters and (bastard) niece of the old-maid aunt i had the pleasure of hanging with on thanksgiving, and they find me just as repulsive as she does. they're puritanical, miserable, teetotaling catholic freaks, and it amazes the hell out of me how trixie's mam, who's a wonderful lady, could've possibly emerged from the same genetic mould as the lot of these. the only thing i can think of is the old switched-at-birth argument. but trixie feels this need to bear with 'em cos they're family, so i say if she's gonna put herself through that, she'll damn well be doing it alone. i already dealt with that lot once this holiday, when THEY decided to descend on US, and if i have to hear bitchy old aunt maura tell me one more time how god will never let my sorry, sinnin' ass have one moment's good luck once i open the pub, i swear to god i'll bash her corroded brains in. i'm really sorry if i'm a backward, prod-descended, kerry bastard from a backward, prod-established, kerry town that makes it's entire living on tourism and hospitality, but i AM, so they better learn to deal with it. i mean, christ almighty, THEY don't have to marry me. (perish the thought!)

i fully expect this'll be resolved with trix once she returns here all in a huff cos one of her aunts called her a yankee fat-arse (they do, y'know...and you wonder why I WONDER what the fuck she wants going up to them?) and they all made a day of insulting the hell out of her poor father. she will see the light. she always does.
hmm...my god, i just realised this whole thing about the cousins totally and completely proves the finnegan in-law theory...the better you get on with your fiancée's immediate family, the more trouble you're bound to have with the extended. and here i thought for the longest time the man was just really, really paranoid...

2002-01-08T16:28:00.000-08:00

god almighty but this place is boring in the winter. cold, nasty, and fucking BORINNNNNNGGGG! i never really noticed it before, don't ask me why, but at any rate, i now totally understand why my parents have 10 kids, most with birthdays in late summer and early autumn. what the hell else had they to do in the winter but conceive?
anyway, it's rather scary coming to this realisation NOW, what with being scheduled to move back in a couple months, but there's no backing out now so i just better deal. at any rate, the summers here have ny beaten by a mile...or will, anyway, once starbucks moves its sorry ass in here (they come to SCOTLAND before ireland? sheesh...that's seattle logic for ya) and supplies us with some freakin' frappuccinos.

right so...did finally get some work done in the house. all our crap is well out of storage (ie my parents house) and is now strewn about "the white house" as it's called, so the place is beginning to less and less resemble a miniature manor house and more and more resemble the kind of filthy hovel i could actually picture myself living in. my grandmother is turning in her grave, or would be anyway if she saw the state of the place. while we've already...errmm...BAPTISED the house, we still can't actually STAY there as we haven't a bed yet and don't fancy sleeping on the floor (a coupla pansies, i know...shaddap about it already) there were SUPPOSED to be TWO of them, beds that is, but that changed in early december when the individual who discovered the vermin infestation also discovered it was under the mattresses of said beds that the vermin were living. eh, better no beds than to be woken in the middle of the night to mice eating you alive. happy visual, no? glad i could share it with ye...

now, to change the subject a bit, some of the photos i took at ground zero have been scanned, and they're here. don't expect much, there's just so close they'd allow us to get, and as i already said photos have nothing on seeing it in person. these pics i'd developed before i left for the holiday, i still have 2 more rolls of film sitting on the kitchen table in my apartment in ny, and incidentally that's where some of the better (still not great, but anyway...) pics are, including the ones taken at night, with the xmas lights and all. once i've had those developed, i'll be posting them as well.
of course, i'm also looking into layout changes for THE WEBSITE (did you really think the way i've been carrying on about it lately i'd be able to get thru this post without mentioning it? amadán!) but have thus far thought up JACK SHIT. i've been dead from the neck up since christmas, i don't even know what the hell led me to believe i WOULD be able to think of anything. luckily though my brain-dead state also means no new essays, so i needn't worry about any more overflow for the while. however, those of ye who've been up my ass about re-indexing my defunct-for-the-past-year personal site will be happy to note that IT is on its way to being resurrected, albeit with very little new content...and why, you ask? cos of all the OLD content, that's why. i need somewhere to put all the ancient shit i've been digging up lately that really has no place on my existing site, and this was the only solution i could think of. anyway, enough about that, you can expect to be seeing it...errmm...well...definitely before paddys day. (i'm giving myself a bit as you see...y'all tend to take tentative dates too bloody seriously. i don't want to be held to ANYTHING.)

that's about it...so now take yourself off to church and leave me alone...

2002-01-02T18:01:00.000-08:00

happy fuckin' 2002.

the new year has begun.
the euro has replaced the irish punt.
and my stockpile of obsolete irish money that i refused to exchange is gaining value as we speak.
i mean, think about it. they've stopped producing the damned stuff. over the past few months, every stupid sap in this godforsaken country has been mindlessly obeying the newspapers and magazines and turning over THEIRS for brand-spankin'-new euros, and every punt that was turned over was destroyed. so what i've got here is an endangered species. too bad everything in my aib account was automatically changed over...but i suppose SOME usable currency might come in handy once i've moved back.

right...so...not much else to say, really. i friggin' hate new years, it's the most goddamn depressing holiday known to man, and i rather appropriately spent most of new years eve at a wake, mike healy's. i made no new years resolutions. i know better than to do such a thing ; i have no vices to do away with anyway, so there's really no point now is there? besides, it's far more entertaining watching OTHER people attempt to keep THEIR resolutions and fail miserably...

2001-12-30T16:44:00.000-08:00

í should know the rule by now...the christmas season can never truly be considered complete without at least one sudden death. this year the honour went to mike healy, everyone's favourite boys' football dictator and father of the narrative's brendan and nollaig the almighty archivist. he literally dropped dead this morning after breakfast of a massive coronary...just got up from the table and fell right back down again. it's rather ironic he should go this way as it's exactly the way hegarty passed...well, exactly except for the fact it happened in his own home rather than in the middle of a football field, and while seosamh hegarty expired in front of a load of OTHER people's kids, old mike died in the presence of only his wife and 2 of his sons. but it was quick, and i suppose it's just as well so, as to die any other way would've been below the man...even with so much as a cold he was a lousy patient. still, though, it's come as a shock, paticularly to those of us he "whipped into shape" over the years, and of course his family, especially the two youngest boys.

ar dheis dé go raibh a anam.

john michael healy
23.3.40 - 30.12.01

2001-12-27T09:21:00.000-08:00

well, christmas has come and gone...as has st stephens day...so basically the holidays are on hiatus till new years, which i really can't feckin' stand (it's more depressing than all souls day and good friday rolled into one. i dare you to disagree.) but always end up being forced to celebrate anyway. fuck. more on that later.

so christmas...yes, it happened again this year, and right as predicted on the 25th of december. i never did understand that 25th of december stuff...i mean, it's a grand day to set christmas on, but don't you think it's rather presumptuous of everyone to assume that was in fact the day jesus was born? i mean, you've got your historical proof that jesus DID exist (i'm not even going to discuss whether or not he was the son of god...too much time and too much mindless hate mail involved...and it doesn't matter anyway..there are people that worship TREES for pity's sake, so why not some israeli kid?) but who the hell decided he was born on december 25th? i mean, they didn't have birth records back then, and people only began recording jesus' life AFTER he went ballistic and began acting all jesus-like when he was roundabout 25 or so. so what's the deal? how the hell do we know he wasn't born on the bloody 4th of July? we don't. and quite honestly, it doesn't really matter...i'm just philosophising again...'scuse me...

so enough about xmas in the year 0, and back to xmas 2001. i hate to say it, but it didn't really suck. i've begun to realise the only thing that ever made it suck in the first place was that mad fuckin' aunt of mine and all her louser children, and now that SHE'S no longer speaking to any of us, and nor are 8 of her 9 kids (excepting chris, who has disowned her himself and appears to be only THIS CLOSE to moving to ireland) and none of them are about to cause trouble, everything's fairly peaceful. the only (family) rows have been related to my uncle j the mad drunken offensively-americanised vietnam veteran...who quite honestly has lived in the states so long he goes nuts when he lands in ireland...and we all have pretty well learnt to ignore him, seeing as he really IS completely off his rocker (100% disability...and the us armed forces do NOT hand that out easily, let me tell you) and everyone feels kind of bad for him and his kids, especially now after eoin's brush with death at 9-11.
i suppose my only complaint this year is one i pretty much have every year...the choir in church at vigil mass. you have to understand something. i do not go to church most of the time. christmas eve i go simply for the sake of tradition. and every year i leave with an almighty headache. you think i'd learn...but nooo...i just keep going back for more. i don't know when they retired the school choir for this pack of tone-deaf old ladies, but they did, and as bad as we used to sound back in the days, this lot made us look like midget pavarotti clones. they can not carry a fuckin' tune...last year, i remember it as catlike whining, this year it sounded vaguely like chinese music...probably the kind of music they play as they're administering chinese water torture. you just gotta wonder if sitting through 3 hours of THAT when you SHOULD be home opening presents is worth a plenary indulgence. it bloody well should be.

right...so i could go on to discuss new years and presents and all that crap, but i haven't got the time or interest to, as i'm sure you've neither the time or interest to read it. so instead i'm going to finish with a note about my site. i'd heard from a few people over the last couple weeks the applets on my site (as well as everyone else's, for that matter) don't show up in windows xp. well. i couldn't be bothered thinking up a solution, and then someone gave me the windows xp upgrade for xmas. i found a solution pretty fast. and it's right here. i don't really know feck all about computers, so i don't know WHY xp has a problem with applets...but i also know this fixes it. i'll be posting it on the site as well, but i just figured i'd mention it here first.

right...i think my work here is done...

2001-12-23T10:34:00.000-08:00

well, i'm officially home for the holiday. not that it's actually possible to be UNofficially home...but...errmm...you get my drift.

so anyway...excuse the state of me as i'm off my head from exhaustion...still not quite over the jet lag OR figginin's b'day party last evening, sooo...i'd just like to get some stuff down while i've the time and blogger's being co-operative.

< sidebar > blogger, you see, was being a little bitch wednesday and wouldn't let me log in, so the first bit of the following post is going to seem a bit past it's sell-by date. however, if you imagine it posted on wednesday, while it'll still be rather stale, it could be likened more to day-old bread than the unidentifyable sludge in the bottom of your fridge you're afraid to touch. < /sidebar >

right...so what i'm talking about is what i did last saturday. normally, i wouldn't even bother mentioning something this long after the fact, but i really want to stress THIS IS SOMETHING YOU SHOULD ALL GO OUT AND DO...if possible, anyway...if you're in the nyc area, and do it as soon as possible, as the place is disappearing bit by bit as we speak. so what the hell is it? ground zero. as in the former site of the world trade centre. a few friends and i finally gathered the cojones to go downtown and see it last week, and i tell ye...can't stress it enough...THIS IS SOMETHING YOU NEED TO SEE. i dare anyone who's said they really don't give a shit about the victims, and anyone who swears god never forsakes anyone to take the no4 train down to the financial district and SEE right there in front of their faces what these great landmark buildings, marvels of modern architecture, have been reduced to...along with everyone who was in them at the time...and THEN come back and try to present their idiotic argument again. if you think you've nothing to be thankful for this holiday season, try looking at that pile of still-smoking rubbish that was once the financial centre of the world and thank FUCK you aren't one of the thousands of people buried under it.

hmm...perhaps that wasn't as stale as i thought it'd be...

anyway, all ranting aside, this is something everyone really ought to see in person. if at all possible, i really recommend you go down there before or directly following christmas, as really massive clean-ups are going to begin after the new year and the effect just won't be the same once the place has been completely sanitised and turned into a memorial park. i've heard loads of people say they're not ready to see it yet, and i've only one thing to say to that...you'll NEVER be totally ready. even if you think you are, you ain't. i thought i was and was sadly mistaken. but still, you have to see it regardless. trust me on this one. and that's all i have to say about that for now. next item of business...

the house (the famous house from my grandmother's estate that my aunt wants bad enough to kill for...and that trixie and i are supposed to be moving into) is being FUMIGATED of all things. i didn't even think exterminators WORKED this close to christmas, but well, they do, and that's where they're working. apparently, there was some sort of vermin infestation that was noticed by a relation who'd done me a favour and tidied up the place a bit, so she went ahead and brought in the exterminators. i'm not saying i'm sorry she did (not a big fan of vermin, despite the company i keep), but even still, it's the type of setback i've come to expect...trix and i were looking to get a bit done over xmas in the way of fixing up the house so we'd have less work for ourselves come march. but right now everything we brought over is in storage in my parents' basement. thank god my parents are understanding people with a fairly large basement. now let's just hope we're able to get into the house before new years'...
and this is what happens when i try to get a head start on things. i guess it's back to the land of procrastination with me...

2001-12-14T14:42:00.000-08:00

i realise i'm doing an awful lot of talking about the website lately, but that's just cos it's getting completely out of control. i've become waaaaay too ambitious with the writing and dredging up of old stuff, and not nearly ambitious ENOUGH in the design department. i grossly overestimated the number of files the dropdown-applet-things could navigate before becoming just as fuckin' confusing as the old shopping-list system. the REALLY lousy part, however, is i've no better idea as to how to handle them. weeellll...except for that one small bit about foisting off everything i wrote before 1997 that isn't total rubbish on nollaig after the new year. heh. i've limited resources and he's a lazy waster that openly fancies himself the narrative's archivist (they've GOT no archives as yet...least none I'VE seen) well, i'll single-handedly keep him occupied till HIS work becomes "classics". ;)
as for the other stuff...i suppose all i can do is keep adding more dropdown bars and extending the ones already there ad infinitum and i'll be okay.

and THIS, kiddos, is why i will never, ever be rich.

right...on to the wicked christmas music update....i've got another suggestion for ye that unfortunately is NOT carried by amazon..."christmas at rockys", a compilation of traditional and original christmas music by bands that frequent rocky sullivans in the city. i've owned the cd myself awhile, but i mention it now cos i'm currently listening to track no2, "american wake" by black '47 (which can also be found on "home of the brave", NOT a christmas album) and this song anyway is so fucking wicked on so many levels i wouldn't even know where to begin praising it. sure it's depressing, just a bit, but SO? isn't that what christmas is all about? ;) and i for one am appreciating it far more THIS year for its relevence to y'all-know-who.

"...you made your choice, a long time ago, now there's not turnin' back,
cos last night you had your american wake.
the bells are still ringin', can't ya hear what they say...
you can always go home..you just can't stay."
that larry, man...and you wonder why i stalk him?

now, if you'll excuse me, i've got a christmas party to get ready for. the whole "i don't do anything that even vaguely resembles a cocktail party" bit is sort of out the window on this one as neidin is playing and i'm being paid to be there. yes, it's time everyone knew what a whore i am. i'll do ANYTHING if the price is right...hey...say what you will, but my "whorin' around" is likely what's paying for YOUR xmas present...

so on that note, i'm outta here...

2001-12-13T07:36:00.000-08:00

you know what i really bloody hate? holier-than-thou prudes. and you know what i hate even MORE? holier-than-thou prudes who also happen to be miserable fucking cowards. i'm just speaking in general, of course...but certain individuals that make it their life's work to NOT ROCK THE BOAT and BLEND IN WITH THE WALLPAPER and of course sell anyone with half an opinion of their own up the river KNOW who they are and should also be aware running is an option but hiding isn't. you've officially rocked the boat, my friend, and with the wrong fucking person.

ahem...now that i've gotten THAT out of the way :)...i was down the city with trixie and kris early yesterday, just happened to be passing by the hotel, and noticed something very, very disturbing. for the first time ever, they've strung lights over the entrance...and over the pine trees out front...and over the lower half of the building's facade. shit...it looks like one of the mob mansions in the country club. first time ever they've done this and INCIDENTALLY it's right after I stop working for them. any connection? "finally, that bastard kid's gone, let's party like it's 1999!"? heh...i didn't think so either. but it IS rather weird.

right...well, speaking of work, i'm working tonight...yippee-ki-yay. covering for the ninny who's already agreed to cover for ME over christmas...i suppose that's fair enough, but it still doesn't change the fact i hate working the bar in this bizarre excuse for a pub. i submit as evidence to the fact you can't FUCKIN BLAME ME the story of what went down last night in said bar. i think i may've already mentioned my current place of employment is the only thing even RESEMBLING (albeit barely resembling) a bar within walking/vw bug-driving distance of two private universities with the admissions standards of your average community college. the only difference, in fact, between these kids and the students at bronx community is that this lot has loads of disposable income (or their parents do anyway) and they can (sorta) speak english. anyhow, they're doing their exams now, and that means they've two options...1) studying or 2) getting schnockered. and like the rest of us, most of them choose what's behind door no2. i can't blame them for that. the only thing that ever got ME thru exam time was my trusty bottle of powers, so? what i can blame them for, however, is getting drunk on christmas rum balls before they even have a chance to partake of the bounty i'm harbouring behind the bar, repeatedly falling down and threatening legal action (we've been sued once already since i've been here...what's that been, a few weeks?), puking a lot, both in number of times AND amount, fighting both physically and verbally with anyone available, and of course, directing ANY of the above at ME. my first row last night was fairly early on, maybe 7pm, when an already-plastered young man around my own age started in about the irish being a filthy lot of lazy drunks, and so on and so forth. hmm...if that is in fact the case, you stupid ass, then what the bloody fuck are YOU doing in an establishment with an irish name over the entrance and a giant tricolour flying on the roof (yes, the town finally caved and admitted it WASN'T a breach of the zoning codes...idiots)...and incidentally the most ossified one in here at that? heh...anyway, i got to kick him out, which was great fun. next, and far less fun was jennifer. jennifer is here all the time and with her the story is always the same, give or take a few details. at any rate, she always loads up on bacardi and cokes ("loads up" in her case meaning she has maybe 4), gets rather unsteady and ill, and ends up having to be helped into her flatmate's car (which by now no doubt stinks to high heaven of vomit) and carted back to the dorms. methinks she's at this every night, though i can't be entirely sure as i usually only get to see her lovely face twice a week. anyway, last night she didn't quite make it to the car. she was getting really ambitious with the drinks, way outdoing herself. her mate came along to help her stagger out the door when the time came, but rather than go along like a good little girl, she opted to lean over the bar. okay. so maybe she wasn't quite feeling up to walking yet. understandable...till she did her signature regurgitation act...ALL OVER YOURS TRULY. oh, sure, i WANTED to get out of the way, but the other almighty moron behind the bar had me blocked into a square as she chatted up a couple of old men. damn. jenn's breakfast, lunch, and liquid dinner all over the bar, the floor, and more importantly ME...and not even after a good show. no projectile, no nothin'. i would've asked for my money back, but as it appeared she was now looking for some action...either from me OR from the old men to the right of her, i left her to them and fled to the back room to change, in the hopes i wasn't going to have to end up the rest of the night serving these wasters in a waitress' dress. (luckily i didn't, but still...)

and to think i have to do it all again tonight.

oh well, i suppose it could be worse. i'm not entirely sure HOW, but i'm really quite sure it could be.

2001-12-07T10:01:00.000-08:00

just got done with a bit of website-updating. wonders will never cease, huh?

i think i may've hurt myself in the process, tho...it appears i'm completely tapped out in the creativity department now, have as much interest in writing at the mo as i do in eating shards of broken glass. possibly more interested in the shards of glass if you really must know. there's probably something terribly wrong with me, but i'm not gonna worry about that right now. instead, i think i'll head out and wander around a bit in the city...perhaps do a little bit more in the chrsitmas-shopping department?

note : it stinks to high heaven being off on fridays. i am the only person i know that's off fridays, which means i have to ENTERTAIN MYSELF (oh ferchrissakes...not THAT kind of entertainment, ye pervs) till 4 or 5 or whenever other people start becoming available to entertain me. that fuckin' SUCKS.

yeah, anyway, enough of this, i'm off...

2001-12-03T19:10:00.000-08:00

right, so i fixed the display on my phone and got it back to english. i'm sure you were all terribly concerned about that...

now, guess what i was just doing? looking at my site. i haven't done that in a while...not since i changed the layout anyhow. but anyway, i came to a conclusion. the title "this site sucks" ain't whistling dixie. that site really DOES suck. royally. i honestly don't know what's worse, the writing or the aesthetics. it's almost embarrassing. but people visit it anyway, so...? (and so what if half of 'em are from kilgarvan? kg'ers are people too...right? ;)
heh. just an observation...

2001-12-03T04:47:00.000-08:00

cool. somehow, IDIOT HERE managed to convert all the menu options on my mobile to YIDDISH. it happened sometime last night, that's all i do know. i must've fancied it a REALLY GOOD IDEA at the time. boy, am i stupid. time to go dig out the ol' manual and find out how the bloody fuck i get it back to english...

2001-11-28T08:01:00.000-08:00

would you look at that. first day i actually have to the time to answer email, and online.ie decides to get bitchy on me again. fuck them. i refuse to get aggravated. when you consider some of the vapid crap people send me and actually expect me to read and respond to, the server may well be doing me a favour by locking me out. let's just hope they're considerate enough to respond to some of my "friends" as well whilst they "upgrade".

do you think i'm using enough "quotation marks"? heh. me neither.

right...so three days have gone by since the GREAT LAWSUIT THREAT and i haven't heard from either auntie OR the attorney. i wonder if maybe they killed each other? i wonder if maybe i'd give a flying philadelphia fuck if they did? at any rate, they know they haven't got a case, and more importantly they know I know they haven't got a case, so trying to strike the fear of god into me by way of legal threats is a total and complete waste of her money and all of our time. it's kind of funny, though, when you consider between her legal pursuits of me, my two uncles, my mother, one of my mother's cousins, and one of my sisters, to say NOTHING of the courtroom battles she's having with her HUSBAND'S family, she's probably already squandered most of her hard-earned inheritance on solicitors' fees. i've said it before, and i'll say it again...if stupid people serve no other positive purpose in this world, they DO every so often manage to amuse the bloody hell out of the rest of us. and that makes them ALMOST worth the trouble. (note i DID say ALMOST)

okaaayy...in other news...this guy is a funny bastard. at least i think so. a plague on both your mouses...mwahahahahaha...yeah...anyway...go look at his poetry if you've nothing else to do.

and that wraps up today's edition of cain's blog. i think i shall go off now and splash some water on the fire of suckiness that is my website while i'm still in the mood for things virtual. adios...

2001-11-24T09:20:00.000-08:00

legal trouble at every turn. that's the subject of today's mini-rant.

now, if you'll notice, yesterday i began by talking about obnoxious aunties, trixie's in particular. well, let me tell you right now that old bitch couldn't hold a freakin' candle to MY aunt from hell. explanation : my mother has an elder sister who's been living out here (in li) for the past 40-some-odd years. everyone who's known me for more than 15 minutes has either heard of or had a run-in with her or one of her godawful kids. she's really a piece of work, that one. well, anyway, i had her lawyer on the phone to me this morning. auntie has a beef with me. her mother...otherwise known as my grandmother...past away earlier this year, and left behind a rather large estate as well as a very drawn-out, painstakingly specific will. the will stated i was to be left a bit more in the property department than auntie was. the fact that auntie walked away with most of the money from the estate meant nothing to her...she wants my inheritance. my inheritance is basically a shop and a small house, left me cos grandma knew damn well i would be returning to ireland and...well...okay, i'll admit it, she liked me. BUT THIS IS NOT MY FAULT. no matter how much this old bitch contests the will, most of the estate, INCLUDING my inheritance, has already been signed over. it's too fucking late and all she's succeeding in doing is wasting a whole hell of a lot of money on a lawyer and annoying the shit out of me and the estate's executor. i would, however fucking LOVE to know where the devil she was able to find an attorney who'd harass people for her at 9am on the saturday after thanksgiving.

2001-11-23T15:04:00.000-08:00

for whatever reason, trixie's mad catholic parents and i get on really well. although that in itself is like the 8th wonder of the world, i am not complaining. one less pain-in-the-ass for me to worry about...no in-laws from hell for me. however, trixie's mad catholic spinster aunt hates my fucking guts. i find this incredibly amusing. i met her for the first time yesterday at their thanksgiving dinner, which i'm guessing she was invited to just cos the family felt sorry for her. most of my time there NOT spent ingesting as much of trixie's mam's magical turkey (don't know what the hell she bastes it with, nor do i particularly care...if i'd the money i'd hire her to cook for me every night) goading auntie. it may seem cruel, but i sure wasn't gonna let HER have all the fun asking every other minute of trixie's mother (never talked directly to trixie, either...don't know what the fuck THAT was about)..."where exactly would she meet someone like HIM anyway?" and saying "god help us all". god helps those who help themselves, ya dried out old bat.

god help us all.

so anyway, this really isn't too interesting a story...as trix and i realised by about 9.30 so we cut out to go....absolutely fucking NOPLACE as everything was closed. so we opted to go back to my place instead and get back at daragh for the stunt he pulled friday night. heh. his bed has never seen such action. ;)
right...but i still fucking detest james. he was on the phone to me yesterday morning, y'know...well actually not to me but to daragh...who'd CONVENIENTLY forgotten to tell him he was going to boston to spend the thanksgiving with his cousins. the dumb shit proceeded to ream me another asshole as if i was personally responsible for yer man going to boston. fuck him. i hung up on his ass and am now making plans to visit HIS humble abode (wherever that may be...i need to get this jackass's address) and fuck in HIS bed...or pay his mother a visit and fuck her...all depends upon how ambitious i'm feeling that day. yes, a trip to ROSCOMMON is most definitely in order...

anyway, enough of me being vulgar and vindictive...i actually just got in from my first xmas-shopping outing of the season. i know they say you gotta be suicidal to venture into any department store the day after thanksgiving, but i'm sick of the last-minute, procrastination-induced rush i've inflicted on myself the last few years and decided to DO SOMETHING about it this time. if all goes as planned i should have all the presents bought AND shipped by the second week of the twelfth month. jeez, talk about AMBITION. y'all should be proud of me. :) today it was off to fordham plaza with me...god i fuckin' love that place. all those morbidly obese ghetto beeatches and their babies' daddies eating mango on a stick and beating the living crap outta each other to get to the best of the stolen jewellery and gucci knockoffs the little mexican guys have laid out on their folding card tables. it's like a circus without the ticket lines. it's also the best place on earth to get wicked gifts for cheap. ESPECIALLY when everyone there assumes you're a cop and is therefore scared stiff of you. heh. sometimes i gotta thank god for making me tall, celtic, and menacing, cos it's for that reason the boys on fordham road have a habit of either charging me half what they charge everyone else, or else folding up their tables, dumping their wares in a bin liner and doing a runner with it all at the first glimpse of me.

now as much as i'd like to stay here and regale you with more meaningless stories (lord knows i've some good ones from work earlier yesterday) i gots to get the hell outta here now and head over to the bronx zoo. it's the first night of their holiday lights show, and trix and i are joining a few members of MY family (the decent ones of course) for what has in the last 2 years become OUR twisted li'l thanksgiving tradition (none of them actually DO thanksgiving, sooo...) i'm looking forward to taking some pictures that will put the zoo's photographer to shame...

2001-11-19T21:37:00.000-08:00

i finally figured out what i needed to cure me of my writer's block...someone to reeeeally piss me off. so thankyou james, thankyou very much, you released something in me that even the nefarious mike hegarty could not. not only was i able to re-write in no time flat the essay that mysteriously disappeared friday night, but i also turned out a short diatribe on thanksgiving over a half-hour break this morning. i may still yet do james in, but if all goes as it has been, i'll also be able to write an epic novel about it when i'm through. ;)

so now that THAT's over with...on to the next item of business. if you're a survivor of catholic education and you've not already seen it, drop everything, go out NOW and rent "sister mary explains it all". i haven't seen a movie in ages, but my one of my flatmates brought it in this evening from blockbuster for no other reason than nuns turn him on. though he was satisfied with diane keaton as sr mary, i personally thought she paled in comparison with laura san giacomo in her holy mary garb *crosses himself* (i tell ye, when trixie gets sick of me, it's to laura's house i'm headed...she better keep the light on for me ;)
anyway, it's dark, catholic-bashing humour for those of ye who like that sort of thing, and the good sister behaves in a manner than i'd previously thought only irish nuns could...didn't think americans had it in 'em. so if you've nothing better to do some night, rent it and serve yourself up a big steaming plate of catholic-school flashbacks. or if that don't interest you, at least get it to see laura san giacomo dressed up as the virgin mother...

2001-11-16T22:49:00.000-08:00

i just should've fucking worked tonight and the hell with it. sure it would've been a nightmare, but would it have been any worse than what happened anyway? i doubt it highly.

first of all, let me tell you why i'm home so goddamn early. this evening my fiancee and i were supposed to be going out in the city with a few mates of ours. we had a definite list of who was coming. at least we THOUGHT we did. then at the last minute we find out a "friend-of-a-friend" that i can not fucking STAND (we're talking mike hegarty-quality hatred here, folks) has invited himself along with us, and our ball-less mutual friend of course said this was perfectly okay with him, even THOUGH he knew damn well the only reason the jerk wanted to tag along in the first place is cos he just lost his job and needed someone to mooch off of. so it was us 3 couples anyway, and this one fucking leeching prick. now this guy is the type of person who thinks he knows EVERYTHING (yes, he is worse than i am)...and that condition only worsens as he gets drunk. he also hates me about as much as i hate him, and that too becomes waaaay more apparent the more he has to drink. and by 8.30pm, he was basically stocious and fucking roaring all over the restaurant we were at. luckily the food was pretty bad there ; there's no way in hell we'd ever be allowed back after the way this asshole behaved. i wanted to keep my mouth shut, and was doing a bloody good job of it too, but then he started insulting trixie. and i do mean insulting. so that was it. he may've had the management closing in on the table to tell us to leave, but i'm the one that finally got us thrown out. :) ahhh...if the good people of the upper east side didn't already have a high opinion of me, i'm sure they do now. it never escalated to a physical level...or not really, i mean there was no pummelling (or bitchslapping even) involved, just a bit of spirited shoving...but as i was the one driving, i DID end up leaving him there. drunken tosser can find his own way home, i figure. i'm not even sure where he lives, to be honest, nor do i give a flying philadelphia fuck. all i care is that he stays clear of me from now on else next time i swear to christ i'll bloody kill him. there's just so much self-control one person can exercise (even WITH the help of other people) and tonight's was really pushing the envelope.

i am also fairly disgusted with the cretinous lad (daragh) who invited shithead to come along in the first place, and he just can NOT figure out why. do the math, stupid. i hate this guy's ignorant, alcoholic lard ass. he hates me. in fact, he hates pretty much everyone. and yet you let him come with us...and to someplace with DRINK, no less. what the hell did you THINK was gonna happen? god almighty, but you ARE as stupid as you look...

ah, but the story of my night from hell doesn't end here. trixie was not in the mood for anything but going home to sleep after our abbreviated night on the town, so i had to take her home (btw, no we don't live together yet...her parents are sorta fanatical catholics and while i honestly like them, i'm amazed they've even given her the okay to make the move to ireland with me in march. perhaps they just don't realise yet she won't be having her own apartment.) before returning here. i figured i may as well do some work on an essay i'm supposed to be submitting next week to a certain paper for ACTUAL CASH, but upon attempting to retrieve the file i'd saved it under earlier this week, i learned it no longer exists. great. just fucking brilliant. so now on top of everything else, i have to re-write this entire essay by tuesday else i can fairly well kiss any chance i may've had of being paid to write in this blasted city good-bye. fuck. this is college all over again...

2001-11-15T09:11:00.000-08:00

mike hegarty is a stupid fuck. you will surely be hearing more about that later, but i think that's all i'm gonna say about him for the moment.

in other news, i just got back from a visit with my sister's dentist. i say my sister's dentist because going to that office on a thursday is not unlike attending a meeting of the triona fan club. as triona is in the process of having some pretty extensive work done, thursday is "her day"...she's there just about every other week, and the people have reeeeeally taken a fancy to her. it's quite remarkable...before i could even get past the waiting room, i was swarmed by small, ageing, jewish and italian women in multicoloured scrub suits saying things like, "that must be caitriona's brother...look at him, he looks just like her!...oh, you know who caitriona is...the tall irish girl with the lovely red hair and the BEAUTIFUL little girls..." they weren't even so much talking TO me as talking ABOUT me...in reference to my sister, of course. while i HAVE been to this dentist before, as he hires all retirees/other assorted part-time bluehairs as assistants, before today i'd never met the thursday crew. they're quite a bunch, i tell you.

anyway, they were to learn two more things about me that're JUST LIKE TRIONA. one is that i have weak molars...that is to say i'm 23 with a mouthful of root canals. they blame the crappy european dentists (hello? i'm not austin powers, ferchrissakes. my teeth LOOK fine. they're just HOLLOW). the other is that i have extra wisdom teeth. heh. don't it just figure? of all the people in the world, the only ones i ever met with more than 4 wisdom teeth are myself, 2 of my sisters, and one of my cousins. fuck my family to hell with their bizarre genetic defects. anyway, i'd previously thought i had just 6. i had 3 of them removed around xmas, which means right now there should be 3 still there. but there aren't. there are 3 AND A HALF. there's a brand-new one coming down where i had the last impacted one out. looks like it's back to the dental surgeon with me. fuckity fuck, fuck, fuck. i detest that man...this was the man that LAST time i saw him, planned massive jaw-removal surgery for me after one x-ray and no examination, because he'd forgotten to mention i had to take the stud out of my tongue before a panoramic x-ray (okay, so i shoulda known myself...but HE's the one getting paid) and was under the impression that my problem was being caused not by an impacted wisdom tooth, but by a sizable tumour in my jaw. vaffanculo...i'm gonna have to call him once i'm done here...

right...you know what else? this dentist appointment today forced me to switch my hours at work. i do not want to work tonight. now that i'm working in westchester, i like to work days. in the daytime, the place is all old people, all from the other side, all good. my schedule says i'm off fridays and saturdays and normally only have to work nights sundays and wednesdays, which is okay...i mean, what price do you put on having friday and saturday to yourself? but the nighttime crowd are the despicable pieces of suburban wasp trash that give westchester the lousy reputation it has. and to make matters worse, working nights for me means working the bar. you cannot fully appreciate ossified, just-turned-21, second-rate-private-university-attending, chelsea-clinton-resembling, spoilt, waspy princesses till you have had one projectile-vomit over a bar at you and had it land on your shoes...and THEN had her tell you she thinks you're hot. those bitches can NOT...i repeat CAN NOT...hold their liquor. i said it once, and i'll say it again...fuckity fuck, fuck, fuck.

2001-11-13T18:56:00.000-08:00

why are they already playing christmas carols in all the shops? god almighty, it's not even thanksgiving yet and they've already got the lights strung up, and the halls decked, and rudolph the fuckin' red-nosed reindeer blasting from the speakers.

i think i realise now what the grinch was on about.

2001-11-12T05:42:00.000-08:00

some wiseguy turned off the heat in my building, so i woke up not too long ago to a cold-induced mini heart-attack. good thing, anyway, else i would've overslept.

fuck, how i hate apartment living.

2001-11-09T08:12:00.000-08:00

you know what's really a stupid fucking name? kenneth. i mean...KENNETH for godsake! yeah, i just started thinking about this now cos a bit earlier today, someone brought up my little beef with kenneth cole, and, well...okay, that's really not a reasonable explanation, but hey, it's me. i am not a reasonable person.

but back to kenneth anyway. i would hate to be called kenneth. people might call you "kenny", which would no doubt elicit loads of tired "south park" comments, as well as bring to mind such great names as kenny rogers and pat kenny (who is not my idol, but anyway...)...individuals who quite honestly NO-ONE in their right mind wants to be associated with.
folks might also call you "ken", like that nauseatingly waspy closet-case of a boyfriend of barbie's.
or they could just call you kenneth, which is just plain hokey. kinda like "gareth" or any other man's name that ends in "-eth"...if there are any.
and my apologies if you happen to be called kenneth...your parents obviously had a very sick sense of humour. but mine did as well, so perhaps i shouldn't be talking. hmmph.

ANYWAY...on to more serious crap. yesterday i saw my first photo of the inside of tower no1 of the world trade centre, post-aeroplane, pre-demolition. that did not go over too well...not with me, or with anyone else who saw it for that matter. if you were never in there, or haven't been recently (within the past year or two?) they sorta built an upscale mall in the lower levels of the place, complete with shops...godiva, rolex, brooks brothers, even a hallmark card place...restaurants, pubs, a starbucks, and a beautiful (yes, it was a bit cheesy, but i like glass walls, so SUE ME!) seating area. leading down from the first floor to the seating area, right in the centre, were two impressive staircases. i was in there quite a few times in the earlier part of the summer, and unofficially deemed it the most relaxing, "human" tourist spot in the city, outside of the battery and the safe parts of central park.
well now...or when the picture was taken, at any rate...it looks like the inside of the titanic. i kid you not. all that non-specific white shit covering everything, dust still flying about making it look as if it were submerged in briny water, the walls sort of sagging in, and those two bloody staircases still standing there as if nothing in the world had happened. i really wish i hadn't seen that picture. it gave me the fucking creeps. kind of like seeing that plane shear tower no2 in half the first time. kind of like seeing a loved one laid out for a wake with the worst make-up job imaginable after a year-long ravaging illness. this is really not how you want to remember them, but you know even still this is the memory that will always preceed all others whenever their name is mentioned. no, i definitely did NOT need to see that picture.

now, enough of that, i have depressed myself. right...yesterday evening after leaving work i did something fairly dumb. no, it had nothing to do with the world trade centre...it had to do with letting my younger sister's mate pierce my eyebrow. yes, i allowed a not-even-20-year-old alcho girl to stick a sharp object in my face. i don't know why. i had never even considered HAVING my eyebrow pierced before. but she mentioned it...was looking for volunteers among a group of us, and as no-one else stepped up to be a guinea pig...WHAT ELSE WAS I SUPPOSED TO DO? i coulda gotten an infection, hell, i coulda gotten ANTHRAX...but i didn't. i'm not sure i care for the way it looks, but my fiancee does, it doesn't hurt and it was a surprisingly neat job...AND it should piss off my new boss royally. which will make it all worthwhile. ;)

jesus, i'm beginning to bore myself. i really should stop now.

2001-11-06T20:47:00.000-08:00

if a roman tells you all romans are liars, he cannot POSSIBLY be telling you the truth. even if 99% of all romans ARE indeed liars, THIS particular roman is telling you the truth, thereby nullifying the entire statement. HOWEVER, if ALL romans are liars, this man, if he REALLY WAS a roman, would never tell you such a thing, seeing as it's the TRUTH and all. so while he might not be lying about the honesty of romans, he HAS TO be lying about his nationality...thereby not being ENTIRELY truthful.

next addage please? ;)

don't ask me where the feck that came from...i have no clue. other than odd philosophy, my brain has been good for nothing today.

2001-11-05T17:46:00.000-08:00

y'know, this webmaster lark is getting very tired. perhaps it's different for people who run sites for a living, or just don't wish to have a life outside of the internet. but for me, it's just getting fucking irritating. first off, i changed the layout of my site...wasted one whole day off mucking around with applets. i wouldn't've even done THAT much except for the fact that i was beginning to notice my main page was starting to look more or less like someone's shopping list, and after doing a bit of site-surfing and seeing some of the dynamic (albeit content-free) webpages some folks have, i was, i'll admit, starting to feel a bit inferior. (note : you know you're becoming truly pathetic when you start suffering from site envy :P) anyway...as i don't actually KNOW jack shit about java or web design at ALL, there are glitches...error messages, fucked-up links. it still looks (to me anyway) like shit on a roll, but at least it looks like slightly higher-quality shit. i am going to have to make a few more adjustments before it can be considered in actual WORKING ORDER...but i don't know when. i usually end up finding myself too tired, too lazy, or too occupied with other matters to be bothered. thus i can conclude i am a shite webmaster. phooey. if that's the worst that can be said about me...if only it were...

riiiight...on to my email complaint (ah, yes, there's more)...general announcement about forwards, people...LISTEN UP AND LISTEN GOOD cos if ye don't i'm gonna have to start sending out "fuck off" emails, and something tells me that won't sit well with most of you touchy fools, and i'm not in the mood for any more aggravation. if you do not legitimately email me/see me/otherwise communicate with me on a REGULAR BASIS, i do not want your FUCKIN' FORWARDS! people who actually KNOW me might possibly have some idea what sort of forwards i'll actually read. people who decided to add me to their email buddy list after i responded to a bit of hate mail they sent me back in may DO NOT. i have enough friends. i get enough junk mail. i don't need you.

and finally...now that i've gotten all that shit off my chest...i started the new job yesterday. now HERE is one thing i'm definitely NOT ranting about. probably the biggest complaint i have, in fact, is about finding a parking place in the morning, but that's mostly cos i'm not used to driving to work. the place itself is incredibly laid-back, albeit a bit posh (used to that tho) and the clientele's mostly local old ladies in the daytime (and you wonder why i ain't complaining...nick? ;) it does get a bit more hectic in the evenings when the bar opens and at week-ends, but no matter. i am so glad to be out of manhattan i can barely contain myself.
of course, my first day off, friday, i'm going down to the city again. *shrugs* what can i say? i need my fix. just not at rush hour.

right...i think my work here is done...

2001-11-02T21:16:00.000-08:00

yeah, i'm coming down sick alright...and at the best time, no less...sunday starts the new job. sunday. heh. what the hell sorta job starts on a frickin' sunday? if this isn't a harbinger of doom, i don't know what is. but i suppose it's too late to back out now. it's either this or go on the dole, which while good in theory would likely get pretty boring after a bit.

right...and word to the wise : if you already feel like you're going to puke, ingesting loads of beef curry and cheap spanish beer is not the brightest thing you could do. then again, i am not the brightest young man you're ever going to meet.

i'm going off now to make myself a cocktail of lemsip, antacid, and motrin, and if all goes as planned i will be completely cured by morning. either that or i'll be the first person ever to od on over-the-counter pussy drugs. you know what they say, what doesn't kill you makes you stronger...adios...

2001-11-02T08:34:00.000-08:00

if you're like me and often find yourself laughing at stupid shit you really shouldn't be laughing at, go have a look at this. if you're not like me, and don't find ANYTHING funny, please don't look, as although i didn't make this, i'm sure you'll have some choice words for me if you do.

2001-11-01T20:06:00.000-08:00

i cannot believe hezekiah the amish bloke asked me for a quarter for a fucking pay phone yesterday evening. god, there is just NO escaping technology these days, is there?

anyway...i did not sleep at all last night...no, i just kinda skipped that bit...went from work, out wandering, then home, and right back to work. and yes, i took the train. i was so fucking drunk/exhausted/both at the time i didn't really give a rat's hairy left ball if the whole bloody subway tunnel got blown to hell. perhaps i should have travelled in and out of the city in that condition a bit more often, eh? hmmph. at any rate, last night was a good one, but the united states, for all it's "in god we trust" and "one nation under god" and all the rest of that crap really ought to be better christians and observe all saints' day. i really could have used the day off...or at least holiday pay. but noooo...they can't even give us that...

i can't actually THINK at the moment...put entirely too much work into thinking the rest of the day and my 30th wind/30 espresso shots worth of caffeine is running out, and i think i am going to make one more attempt at doing email. either that or pass out...

2001-10-30T16:33:00.000-08:00

this is gonna be a long one...i'm in a baaaad fucking mood and it's mostly cos i have really begun to hate the sissy bastard i have become. you see, i have just been offered a new job at a slight loss (same salary, definitely less in tips), and i'm taking it. and why, you ask? well, it's like this. the new job is basically going to have me doing exactly what i'm doing now, but in a pub/restaurant owned by a friend of my uncle's...IN WESTCHESTER COUNTY. so that means no more subway-riding at rush hour for me...no more public transport AT ALL if i so desire, and a hell of a lot less to worry about in the anthrax department. and yes, this IS coming from the same guy who originally said, "whatever happens, happens". i see the twisted irony in it as much as the rest of ye do, but while some of YOU think i'm perfectly justified in feeling the way i do, i am just thoroughly disgusted with myself. i only realised the end of last week that the last time i was anywhere near rockefeller centre was shortly after the trade centre attack to photograph the flags. once the first anthrax case was discovered, i stayed the hell away...went out of my way to avoid it, in fact...but totally SUBCONSCIOUSLY. same goes for the empire state building. when i really think of it, i wouldn't touch 34th street with a 39 1/2-foot pole, even IF it never occurred to me on its own. and grand central? haven't been there since the 11th of september. well, the 9th, actually...and yes, i was down to lower manhattan loads of times since then, but i went from work and made sure to walk some and either get on the train at 23rd or take the bus. the bus. i NEVER would've taken the bus in the city proper before all this shit happened. my head is completely fucked, 100 times worse than it was when all this began, and i've had it. so till i leave in march of next year (i'm moving back home in march 2002, in case i neglected to mention it ;) i will only go into the city at week-ends and at night, and with few if any time constraints, so if i feel like taking the express bus down and spending an hour in transit i bloody well can. i am a pussy, okay. meow. well, at least i've finally admitted it. now i can go on with my life.

right...this does take a load off my mind, tho. i just hope the city doesn't get bombed or anthraxed or anything over these next two days. you have no idea how much that would piss me off.

in other news, tomorrow is halloween. for the first time in 22 years (i didn't wear a costume when i was 3 months old) i will not be dressing up. i did that bit at the week-end, and i can't be bothered doing it tomorrow. i'm working early and at night i'm just interested in going out and getting shitfaced. and yes, i WILL be doing it in the city, despite all the threats that've been circulating about halloween. hell, we're not going to a bloody shopping mall...

2001-10-29T19:20:00.000-08:00

i hate updating my site, i do. it's gotten to the point now there's so much shit on there i don't know what the hell to do with it all. it's like the online version of my flat...a cluttered mess of a place where you can't find what you're looking for till it falls on your head and gives you a concussion. i cordially invite anyone who doesn't believe i've misplaced files to COME AND TRY TO LOOK FOR 'EM!

*sigh* i have decided that anyone with a proper, tidy, well-built website must be either a) a freakin' genius or b) (the more likely of the two) a big feckin' loser with no life to speak of. i think i'm going to go switch some graphics around now and see if it makes some sort of difference...

2001-10-28T08:45:00.000-08:00

hello. i have now got my coffee and...well...y'know. damn this tastes like shit. i swear to god this "i-need-my-coffee-in-the-morning" bit is totally psychosomatic. how the hell could watery instant folgers possibly make me feel better? but yet it does. well...sorta anyway.

RIGHT! now for what i meant to talk about. halloween really should've been postponed this year. the festivities thus far have been total SHITE (well, with the exception of seeing mags pole-dance for the first time ;) and that is of course completely the fault of those fuckin' terrorists. but seeing as i've done more than enough complaining about them lately, i'll just leave that alone now. instead, i'll talk about shaggy. yes...that bit about "oh carolina" and my mates' 8-year-long debate over what the frig the chorus says was no joke. and thanks to the website with the lyrics i visited friday, we have laid one debate to rest but begun a whole new one. you see, the words "prowl off, jump an prance" ARE indeed the words in the FIRST version. i don't know how any of us ignorant deaf fools didn't hear that a long time ago. the SECOND version...the one that was on the radio every ten minutes when the song first came out (in europe anyway)...however....well, that one still sounds DISTINCTLY (to me anyway) like he's saying "her ass comes from france". and my friends still hear "harass gals from france" and "give us cum from france". whatever...he's still talking about france and no-one can convince US different. i've decided shaggy is fucking with our heads. but i still like the song.

yes, i realise i'm a music geek. and if you think it's obvious now, you ought to hear me when i've had a few.

right...i need to get the hell off my ass now (no thanks to this shitty coffee...do ye think i ought to invest in a mr coffee? yeah, me too...) and go deliver this birthday present to my niece, who's turning 6 today and for whatever reason really, really likes me. she's one of the few people left that DOES, and therefore i must be extremely nice to her, lest she know the dark truth of my real nature, etc, etc...right...so i shall leave ye here...

2001-10-28T08:25:00.000-08:00

falling back an hour is fucking with my head. well, that and the pounding headache of course. and the coffee i've been too lazy to make which is preventing me from actually waking up this sunny morning. right. okay.

2001-10-26T07:31:00.000-07:00

you know what's weird. i don't remember making that last post. maybe i'm going senile. but at any rate, i DO fucking hate prawns. anyway...

guess who decided to pay me a visit...well, a virtual visit, anyway...early this morning? cj sullivan, that's who. you might remember him as the writer from the new york press i bashed on for a while before i began devoting all my time to hating patrick mcmanus's guts. actually, there were a few columnists i picked on between them, darina molloy and ben brantley to name a couple...but well...i just never got around to using their names in a rant. mr sullivan, however, got that honour in one i wrote about the evils of bronx-bashing. this was done a fairly long time ago, mind you, but i suppose he only got around to doing that netwide ego-search last night, and well...let's just say he now dislikes me waaaaay more than i dislike him. heh. anyway, i'm kinda glad he dropped in to remind me what a prat he is...i'd begun to forget.

on a totally different note, i have a problem, a long-standing one that cannot be blamed on any of the above-mentioned writer-people....that NO-ONE to date...IN THE 8 YEARS IT HAS BEEN ANNOYING ME...has been able to help me with. what the bloody HELL is that chorus saying in shaggy's oldie "oh carolina"? yes, this came up again last night and it is annoying the crap out of me now. my friends and i have come up with "her ass comes from france", "harass gals from france", and even "give us cum from france"...but somehow none of it seems quite right. according to one of my fellow tripodians (i think that's what you call them?) the actual words are "prowl off, jump an prance"...but that's the furthest from what it sounds like i've heard yet. anyway, if i don't have the exact lyrics by tomorrow, i'm phoning shaggy direct and i'll get it from the source. where i'll get his number is still beyond me...

right...and i really like the word "pisher". i definitely need to find more opportunities to use it...

2001-10-25T19:31:00.000-07:00

i fucking hate prawns.

2001-10-25T09:13:00.000-07:00

pumpkins are wicked to carve, but boy oh boy do their innards stink. someone (no names to be mentioned) "accidentally" dropped a load of greasy grimy pumpkin seeds on my magical black sweatshirt last night. stupid me thought i could just wipe it off and wear it today. well sure it looked fine but it smelt so lousy i practically got my own car on the train to work this morning. and if THAT doesn't sound wondrous enough, after wearing it for an hour or so, i took it off to find my work clothes now stink like rancid pumpkin as well. ah well...it could be worse...it coulda been frogs again ;)

right...and that halloween costume of mine? it's freakin' cursed. like the sweatshirt, sure it looks good but....well, no it doesn't stink of pumpkin guts (yet) but i really don't like wearing it. but i will yet again at the week-end as i fully intend on kicking some ass saturday night.

right...and one last thing...i swear to god if ONE MORE PERSON asks me why i don't have blue eyes, i am going to do something very irrational. why the hell does everyone in this country think all the irish have blue eyes anyhow? they don't even know us well enough to tell us from the scots, but this bit they are sure of. god almighty. no, i do not have blue eyes, my eyes are green, green like the blood of yer ancestors (errmm...yes, i know that kinda don't work here, but humour me, eh?) and of all my living relations, i believe my father's the only one with blue eyes. my mother's are BROWN. jaysus...maybe she's really an arab terrorist...

2001-10-23T07:47:00.000-07:00

complacency is not good. america got complacent about national security and look what happened to them. i got complacent about not having any stalkers and...well...they're baaaaaack! no, i am not even going to talk about scary mary the toothless alcoholic nutcase who lives in the 59th street train station and proclaims her undying devotion to me on a daily basis, nor am i going to mention the scheevy freak up in the bronx who ever-so-casually asked me would i go down on her in a conversation that i could SWEAR began with her asking me where the best place to get spanish food in yonkers is. cos they're not technically stalkers. they're just the sort of women i usually attract (and then you wonder why i'm holding on so tightly to trixie?) i'm talking about stalkers. real ones. and i've figured out now there are at least 2 of 'em. why this sort of thing happens to me so often still completely baffles my mind. i am not hot by any stretch of the imagination. i AM fairly intelligent with a fairly good sense of humour and a stable job, but, well...so're most of my mates and THEY don't seem to have this problem. and lastly...NO i am not paranoid...well, maybe i am a little...but NOT ABOUT THIS! ask anyone who knows me. i get stalked A LOT. so anyway, about the ladies. the both of 'em live pretty close by and like to follow me around and whatnot. they make obscene phonecalls to my house. they show up in places they know i'll be. one of these two is quite young and really not malicious, so she's more of a pain in the ass than anything. the older of the two, however, gives me the fucking willies. she has some very severe psychological problems. she went to the same high school as my cousin's ex-girlfriend (6 degrees of ciarán, it sounds like, hmm?) and was pursuing me quite seriously over xmas of '95...but then i never heard of her again. she was sorta a religious fanatic back in the days, needless to say not my type AT ALL. but fate being what it is (a sick twisted practical joker) i ran into her in a pub up her way the day of the bronx st paddys parade, and she promptly started in on me again. between then and like july i'd seen her maybe 5 times, but i'd gotten more hang-up and silent phonecalls that can be traced back to her house than i could even count. then around independence day i started seeing her around MY neighbourhood. next thing i knew, she began showing up places i'd go noplace NEAR my house. recently then she's also taken to the net and has begun posting pretty sick shit on my message board and guestbook, as well as posting my picture and most lately my friends' on sites like am i this or not?...real baby shit in and of itself but pretty damn disturbing when you consider she hasn't any job and and this is what she spends ALL her time doing.
*sigh* i suppose this is the price i pay for being irresistable, eh? bollocks. i just figure i musta done something reeeeeally horrible in my past life...

2001-10-22T06:19:00.000-07:00

if we all die of a gi-normous bioterrorist attack, you can blame the news.
in order to quell the public's fears of having anthrax dumped upon them from crop-dusters, the "experts" showed up on tv and said, "no, they'd NEVER do that...it would be scattered and wasted if they did. it would be FAR more prudent of them to send it to individuals via the post." next thing we know, people all over the usa are being infected with anthrax by way of their friendly neighbourhood postman. NOW the experts are taking to the airwaves yet again, this time saying anthrax mightn't be the way to go after all...SMALLPOX is! after all, it's more contagious, more painful, and no antidote has been made for it in over 20 years. if the terrorists REALLY want ot cause a stir, they oughtta take to the subways with spray-bottles full of THAT. JAYSUS! here everyone's so concerned with destroying taliban training camps...what the hell do they need training camps for? sure if they REALLY want a crash course in large-scale killing all they need to do is watch the evening news. and let's not forget about all those crazy mad AMERICANS whose heads they might be planting ideas into...pack of bloody morons anyway...

2001-10-21T19:03:00.000-07:00

i suppose some would consider me a very lucky man. my anniversary, my fiancee's birthday, and the recently-created "sweetest day" all fall on the same date, thereby making it virtually impossible for even a brain as feeble and weak as my own to forget it. it also allows me to just present her with one nice gift instead of several small crappy ones. if you're wondering who my fiancee is, that'd be trixie...i may've neglected to mention it here in the almighty blog, but i proposed to trixie back in august on our trip to ireland to visit my family, and she surprisingly said yes. now we get to the part that explains why i'm complaining. when she said yes, i handed over to her my recently-deceased maternal grandmother's engagement ring, a platinum, sapphire, and diamond monstrosity that illustrates the love my late grandfather had for grandma, as well as expensive, garish things in general. ;) now, i'm not saying i don't like the ring...i was unbelievably honoured when grandma "willed" it to me a few months before her death, specifically instructing me to give it to trixie and ONLY trixie when the time came (she really liked trixie) and i most certainly am not saying i regret my decision to commit myself to trixie for life. what i AM saying is that fuckin' ring is a tough act to follow.
no, trix didn't make any cracks about the feeble offering i presented her with last evening...in fact, she made quite a formidable show of telling me (and everyone else who happened to be in pane e vino at the time) how thrilled she was with the puny engraved locket as she took it out of its box. me, i just sat there, mortified, thinking how the ring on her left hand made it look like something off the clearance table at kmart. hmm...perhaps i'm just overreacting as usual, maybe it's the self-despising irishman in me rearing his ugly head yet again. or maybe i just shoulda given her a punier engagement ring...at any rate, what's done is done, and she hasn't fled the country to get away from me yet, so i think i'll stop overanalysing all this now and start thinking about what i'm going to get her for christmas...

2001-10-17T19:34:00.000-07:00

it's after getting wicked cold, business is in the shitter, everyone's still all mad about anthrax, and i need to get crackin' on me halloween costume. it just never ends, does it? hmm...at least i know what i going to be now, for what that's worth...

2001-10-14T15:17:00.000-07:00

if i haven't already made it perfectly clear how much i despise terrorists, let me tell you now. I FUCKING HATE TERRORISTS! i hate what they've done to new york city as a whole, turning us all into a pack of cowering deer-in-the-headlights with their empty threats and lately, the infernal anthrax scares. wait...no...it's not even just new york city...i'm looking at the msnbc news bits on the side of my screen here and i'm seeing that the ford plant has been evacuated after hoax anthrax scares. god almighty, will it ever fucking STOP? i can't believe it's been a month since this shit all started...a month since i didn't think things could possibly get any worse that they were on the 11th. as if all that loss of life wasn't enough, those of us left here have to sacrifice the better part of OUR lives because a pack of motherfuckers who would likely get lost trying to get from harlem to the village on a 6 train feel like proving their manhood. and if the terrorists weren't bad enough, you've got your practical hoaxters. the anthrax scares, the bomb threats. jaysus. what the hell kind of people could possibly sink so low? i myself am having conscience problems with what to dress up as for HALLOWEEN for godsake...and i'd been regarded by some as the most tasteless bastard that ever lived. i'm afraid i'm not even CLOSE.

speaking of halloween, it IS really bugging me what this whole terrorism bit has done to halloween...i don't like to think i'm ruled by a dictator of a conscience, but right now the old conscience is precluding my doing ANYTHING death-related this year. how the hell can i? when you consider the number of deaths that've occurred and the number of families in the area dealing with the loss, dressing up as the living dead or anything similarly gory doesn't seem any more tasteful than sending someone an envelope of talcum powder in the post and saying it's anthrax. maybe i'm a bit touchy about this stuff, i don't know. that's just me.

2001-10-11T06:32:00.000-07:00

you know what i'm sick and fucking tired of hearing about? anthrax. i really am. i swear to fucking CHRIST i have heard 50 people in the past 48 hours tell me they think they've got the bloody thing when i know (as well as they would if they hadn't been brainwashed by the media) all that's the matter with them is fucking hay fever. listen, peeps. this is the height of allergy season. the leaves are turning brown and falling off the trees. the only part the terrorists play in your watery eyes and sore throats was the building-destroying bit they pulled last month which is still releasing ash into the air and making your bloody allergies THAT MUCH WORSE. it is also the beginning of 'flu season and the temperature has been fluctuating daily 10-20 degrees, which CAN'T be good for your well-being. and then of course, there's the power of suggestion. the news tells you you have a good chance of getting anthrax, gives you a list of a few of the symptoms and all of a sudden...BOOM! you've got yourself a full-blown case. fact of the matter is, the only conceivable way you can ACTUALLY GET anthrax is via farm animal cac, so as long as you don't stick your hands up any cows' arses and then shove yer fingers up yer nose, you'll be fine. fact of the matter is, it would take so much anthrax for the terrorists to actually use it as a weapon (drop it on us, whatever) it wouldn't be worth their money or their time. i'd worry about air raids first, if i were you....

2001-10-07T15:04:00.000-07:00

the usa has just bombed afghanistan. here we go again. you have no idea how sick of this i am getting. i was out this afternoon about to partake of the morris park daygos' columbus day festivities when i heard the news and it fairly well ruined the fun of it all. the hell with dinner at home, i think i will go out again now and get drunk. it's becoming "what i do" in these sort of situations, if you'll notice...

2001-10-07T08:27:00.000-07:00

i greatly dislike unemployed people, especially ones who hang around me all the time and annoy the shit out of me when i'm trying to WORK and GET THINGS DONE. NO i will not get you a job. NO i will not "hang out" with you at the week-end. NO i DON'T think you're amusing and i really wish you would just FUCK OFF!

and if you happen to be the bum-in-question, you know who you are.

2001-10-03T19:29:00.000-07:00

why do i always have to have the world's most unappealing admirers? i think i may've just broken a record even for MYSELF (and if you know me, that's REALLY REALLY saying something) today, what with formally meeting the homeless woman of lexington ave. the homeless woman of lexington ave is a bag lady about my own age without a tooth in her whole head and a drinking problem that makes me look like an amateur. she stinks of b.o., beer, and piss and at least appears to be stark raving mad. as she lives in or around the 59th street train station, i have seen her quite a number of times before today, but, well, i just never realised how strong her feelings for me were, or for that matter that she had feelings for me at all. today, though, she bit the bullet and confronted me...in her own special way. what was her own special way, you ask? well, it entailed first grabbing me by the ankle and nearly pulling me down on top of her. that was effective, i must say, as it sure did get my attention. luckily, i did not fall on her, i just pulled away and started down the block towards the hotel (and away from her). but she wasn't gonna give up. down after me she headed, all the while declaring her love for me in a decidedly slurred, non-sober manner. my mam always said if you don't have anything nice to say not to say anything at all, so as the feeling isn't exactly mutual, i just pretended not to hear her. but she STILL was not going to quit till she got some satisfaction. so her next move was to run up behind me (and yes, i COULD smell her coming, but YOU try dodging anyone behind you in rush-hour midtown manhattan) and grab me around the waist in a sort-of hug. at this point, i just figured i'd yes her to death...tell her i'd secretly admired her for months as well...say anything...just to get her to leave me the fuck alone, as now i was not only sure i was going to be showing up to work smelling just like herself, but everyone in the street had pretty much stopped to see the bizarre display of affection. she finally receded...sort of fell off me in the same drunken manner she was doing everything else (this was at about 8.30am, mind ye...methinks somebody was very generous last night...else she robbed a liquor shop) but continued roaring how much she loved me as i raced the rest of the way to the job.

yes, i realise you're probably laughing right now, but that's only cos you ain't me and you don't have to worry about how to handle this chica over the next coupla days. me, i think i'm going to work tomorrow morning in disguise...

2001-10-01T09:02:00.000-07:00

have i ever told you how much i fucking HATE stupid people? nah..didn't think so...;) well, get ready, cos i'm gonna tell ya now. y'know, maybe i should thank god for stupid people instead of constantly lamenting their existence. i mean, if not for them, life would be sooooo boring. it would also, however, be sooooo much less stressful. so, yes, after much debating between the legions of people in my head, i have decided that i WILL complain. this time the subject is irishness. yes, that's right, the state of BEING IRISH...and the folks out there who honestly think they're the leading experts on what makes a person irish or not irish. (i'm sure other ethnicities have them as well, but luckily for me, i don't have to deal with them) but, anyway, back to my current complaint. i've already had to listen one too many times to fellow expats and better yet, micks who're so fucking worldly they've never even left their own home county, bitch and complain about the existence of those folks who call themselves "irish-american" or "irish-canadian" or "irish-whetever else"...at any rate, irish people born someplace other than ireland...saying they haven't the right, yadda, yadda...they're not irish ENOUGH and have no business claiming they are...AS IF IT MATTERS TO YOU WHAT THE HELL THEY CLAIM THEY ARE! holy shit, you'd think with the way some of these people get up in arms god's gonna descend on us any day now and declare, "there are too many irish people. i'm past my quota now and shall have to remove some of ye"...NEWSFLASH! he's got better things to do with his time. or at least i should hope he does.

i only mention this now because i just had to break up an altercation between two groups of visitors here, one irish from the other side, the other irish-american, all drunk (began before 9am, mind ye...these people sure know how to have breakfast), trying to prove who was the irishest of the lot. personally, i think all of them should be done away with, but while my power here now extends to chucking people out (i like to chuck people out ; it makes me feel powerful :) it does NOT extend to whacking them. so instead i must bitch and complain to vent the anger not vented in the act of chucking them out. i kind of leave the irish-americans slide, honestly, cos i'm not one of them. the irish-born, tho....maybe i'm taking all this just a bit too seriously, but i think they're making ALL OF US look bad, like a pack of ignorant, xenophobic morons. i mean, i could not even begin to tell you how many times i have been asked by americans, of irish descent or otherwise, why we irish don't like them. i'm sure in the back of their minds, these people are probably wondering what these dumb micks' rationale is and perhaps figure i can give them a bit of insight. i wish. all i do know is them and their preconcieved notions and penchant for perpetuating the stereotype of the drunken, fighting irish leave me with more than a little explaining to do...

2001-09-30T19:24:00.000-07:00

okay, so i didn't switch to earthlink. i switched to msn. but at any rate, i am no longer a minion to aol. i actually did that thursday but quite honestly couldn't be bothered reporting it till now. jaysus, i'm a lazy fucker. ;)

anyway, i really am afraid i'm turning into a hopeless alcoholic. don't laugh ; the band (and don't expect much at that link ; tis all still under construction, but hey, at least we've got a site now...and a logo as well) had our first official gig since the tragedy of the 11th (minus eoin of course) on friday nite, and for the first time ever i did the entire thing plastered. i don't think anyone noticed tho...at least the ones who didn't see me fall off the back of the stage as we were going off didn't. hmm...this really isn't something i should be bragging about, is it? no...i used to hold my booze a hell of a lot better than that ;)

2001-09-27T16:47:00.000-07:00

i have decided exactly what i shall do when they find osama bin laden and turn him over to me (which they no doubt will, i mean, who better, huh?) i shall do him in by way of 7000 infected paper cuts, one for each victim. that should hurt like hell...loads better than being nuked, in my opinion.

now what put THAT into my head, hmmm? methinks i'm still not exactly thinking straight, but me also thinks i do some of my best thinking in this condition.

in addition, me doesn't feel like thinking at all anymore, so this'll about do it for today's episode of cain's blog. after all, what's really to report on the jewish high holiday?

2001-09-26T20:05:00.000-07:00

right. i'm a bit out-of-sorts today, seeing as i did not sleep AT ALL last night, opting instead to go out and drink a lot under the assumption that if i didn't actually go to bed, i wouldn't end up hung over. so i came home at 6 or so, dressed for work, and went downtown. right. so i'm not quite thinking straight and this is going to be a fairly odd entry.

tomorrow is a high jewish holiday. actually, i think it starts this evening at sundown which means it's TECHNICALLY a high jewish holiday NOW. hmm...lucky i decided to act in a debauched and immoral manner last night instead of tonight, if for no other reason than judaism may well be the true faith and if it is, and i'd gone out drinking tonight, i'd end up in hell. or something like that.

oh yeah, i sorted out the aol thing monday afternoon, wasted a whole afternoon off doing it might i add.. to make a long story short, they're sending me a load of free gift certificates and shit to make up for the trouble they caused. i hate to say it but it kinda DOES make up for it, specially since i haven't actually had to PAY for anything yet. but i'm still switching to earthlink...they just don't have to know that yet.

one last thing : i really like trifle. just thought you all might like to know that.

2001-09-24T09:30:00.000-07:00

i know i have said this before, but i don't think i can ever, ever, EVER say it enough...I FUCKING HATE AOL!!!! i have complained about the time i've spent trying to log in, which is usually roughly twice as much time as i actually spend online DOING stuff. i have complained about the stalkers, the obscene im's, the strange women who wouldn't know me if i up and bit them on the ass "falling in love" with me after reading my purposely off-the-wall profiles. but what happened over the last 2 days really takes the biscuit. i wasn't even going to complain (believe it or not) till this morning when i checked my aol mail (which i don't actually use for anything save getting the irish emigrant sports update cos it isn't exactly the most reliable service in the free world) and found in it roughly 100 complaint letters threatening to "report me" to aol. okay. i have attempted to report people to aol and nothing ever happens. but given my luck and the sheer numbers here, i figured i better stop musing and do something. so i reported the hacker's ip to aol, switched screen-names yet AGAIN, and changed me passwords, going into hiding like the chickenshit i am. when you're dealing with aol, it really is all you can do. well, that and switch providers, which i am also in the process of doing. i don't care if i'm getting aol for free, it is most definitely not worth all the trouble it's been causing me just to save 20 bucks a month. i think i shall go with earthlink...i hear they're good...

2001-09-23T09:57:00.000-07:00

interesting point for ye all to note...we've been hearing a lot about nostradamus lately, but what about e.b. white? yeah, that's right, the bloke that wrote "charlottes web" and "stuart little". he also wrote an essay called "here is new york", which in my humble opinion EVERYONE ought to read, whether they believe in prophesy or not. need more convincing? how's THIS for a quote from 1939?...
"...the city, for the first time in its long history, is destructible. a single flight of planes no bigger than a wedge of geese can quickly end this island fantasy, burn the towers, crumble the bridges, turn the underground passages into lethal chambers, cremate the millions. the intimation of mortality is part of new york now : in the sound of the jets overhead, in the black headlines of the latest edition."
yeah, i definitely advise y'all to go out and get that frickin' book.

in other news, my sister is now officially ancient. i mean, is she EVER! the big 3-3. just 7 years shy of 40. (just in case she gets the inclination to read this i want to make this point as clear as possible ;) i'll tell ya, there is absolutely nothing in this world that can bring things back to normal like your sister calling you a "lousy li'l pissant" and mauling you in the middle of rory dolans for repeatedly insinuating she's THIS CLOSE to the rest home. i think EVERYONE at her party friday night was a bit relieved to have something to do/think about that didn't involve the tragedy of the 11th but DID involve a lot of drink, music, junk food, and drink. from what i can see, we're all burnt out, and the old one's birthday came at just the right time.

another point waaaaaaay off the topic of the terrorist attacks, today is the all-ireland finals and i've just found out galway won. good. not that i like galway or anything, but i DO have an unspeakable vendetta against meath for beating kerry (however the hell THAT happened) and putting them out of the game. sooo...whether or not i ever before imagined myself saying this...UP GALWAY!

now, if you don't mind, it's gorgeous out so i'm going to get the hell outta here....

2001-09-21T03:47:00.000-07:00

to paraphrase my favourite line from "ghostbusters"...when someone asks you if they can send you forwards...SAY NO!!! two people in particular...actual people i KNOW, mind ye, not the "net friends" all of you seem to have legions of...who went completely apeshit trying to get in touch with me after the wtc was hit, i have been led to believe only wanted to make sure i was okay so they could leave me on their forwards list. bloody bastards anyway. i wouldn't even mind if some of this stuff was FUNNY, or even slightly amusing...but no. it's all crap. i now must spend more time deleting shit email than i do actually responding to legit mail, which is interesting, as i don't even seem to be able to make time for the latter anymore. i truly do not have the patience for this. next person to send me a forward that isn't totally rolling-on-the-fuckin-floor-pissing-yer-pants hilarious, is gonna pay dearly. you mark my words.

2001-09-20T08:29:00.000-07:00

as much as i love to sit about being depressed, i have to get my ass in gear. my eldest sister is turning an ancient 33 on saturday and i have to think up something really horribly insulting to do/say/give/all of the above to her before then. hmm...time to get them wheels turnin'...

2001-09-18T17:28:00.000-07:00

boy oh boy are people drinking. the lack of humanity on the manhattan streets is more than made up for by the standing-room-only droves in manhattan's pubs. while the nighttime crowd in the bronx, usually healthy to say the least, has been fairly well halved over this past week, it's safe to say the numbers of liquid lunchers in the city proper has tripled. this mightn't be good for their livers, but it's sure's hell good for my head. i haven't been this occupied on the job or this well-tipped since...well, honestly i don't think i ever have.

but you have to leave work sometime...

i went down to see my cousin in hospital yesterday evening...i'd not been below 14th street since last tuesday, and i'm guessing that was for the better as the madness in the west village could only have been worse then. even as it was yesterday, it took a whole hell of a lot of fighting camera crews and throngs of ghoulish spectators to even get to the same side of the road as the hospital. this is the place the first victims were taken as well as the place that's been getting the most media attention, so of course half of new york city has decided to camp out round it in the hopes of getting a look at...well...well, quite frankly, i don't know WHAT the hell they're expecting to see. but i DID finally figure out where all the living new yorkers NOT getting ossified in midtown went to.
anyway, once i got to the front steps, getting in was a piece of cake...as i'm not an arab and i had no camera crews with me, they let me right in. my cousin's bashed up, but otherwise...well, of course EVERYTHING looks well as compared with DEAD which is what we all thought he was initially. he was telling me his folks are still getting phonecalls tho, as they just released the list of lost firemen in the news and among them is a lad with the same last name (which while not freaky isn't exactly COMMON) and with himself and his brother (who works up in the bronx...lucky bastid) both working for the fire department, some friends of my aunt and uncle who weren't sure of the lads' first names or companies started ringing up and offering their "support". you can only imagine how well THAT went over...

and the "have you seen..." posters just keep getting more upsetting by the second. this morning on the way from the train i saw one for a child, a 6-year-old girl. i'd love to know what a 6-year-old kid was doing down the trade centre by herself in the first place. at any rate, seeing this was not exactly the most inspiring way to begin a work day.even all the enormous tips from the aib drunks weren't enough to bring me out of the funk seeing that had put me into.
i just have to wonder...all those people who are going about as if nothing's happened...WITHOUT getting soused...how the hell do they do it? maybe the reality of it all hasn't hit them yet? perhaps they think this is all some wicked bad dream they'll wake up from at any moment, that tomorrow morning when they cast their eyes downtown those two beautiful structures will be shining at the foot of the island once more, all their occupants safe and sound at their desks, pushing papers and crunching numbers? or maybe they just don't give a shit. perhaps to them, people, be they 6 or 76, are completely inconsequential if they don't directly affect THEIR lives. i don't know, and i really ought to stop being so bloody philosophical. i am not being paid to psychoanalyse strangers, i am being paid to make them drunk...

2001-09-16T18:01:00.000-07:00

well, to add more fuel to my fire of disgust for my fellow man, here's an account of a run-in i had today in the city with a young lady about my age...i was working this morning and early this afternoon, and when i got off, i headed down to union square with my fiancee to meet a few mates of ours and look at the big memorial down there. god almighty, it's horrible, it really needs to be seen to be appreciated. candles everywhere, mini-memorials everywhere, and a sympathy card of sorts running the perimeter of union square park with felt pens every few feet so passerby could sign and write their own messages. also all over the place, pasted and taped to every available surface, are posters like the ones i saw uptown on friday, with photos and descriptions of missing people, a good deal of them roundabout my own age. i must admit the whole thing was almost more than i could take. although quite sure i didn't know them, i was compelled to read each and every poster, and the load of us together just went from one wall to another in complete silence, just looking at the pictures and reading. at one wall were this girl about my age and her boyfriend, also looking at the descriptions. when i got close enough to realise what they were saying, i heard her making snide remarks about two of the young women featured on the missing flyers, also both about the same age as ourselves...slagging on their weight and calling them fat pigs. shit. like it really matters their dress size at this point. my fiancee heard her as well and was rendered speechless, but of course i lit into her. oddly enough, the girl seemed to realise once i said something that she was in the wrong, but STILL...god almighty, how does something so shallow even enter your head when you're dealing with a situation like this? there is absolutely, positively NOTHING funny about this...believe me, if there was, i'd've found it by now.

oi. i may be a misanthrope, but not without damn good reason.

anyway, i was talking to my older sister yesterday afternoon and it seems her middle daughter, a month short of 6 years old, is not taking this too well. she's afraid to go to sleep at night, and fairly well has been since tuesday. you'd have to know this kid to really understand the depth of her reaction...she's unusually bright as well as extremely sensitive, and i must say i'm a bit worried about her in the long-term. i know i would've had trouble coping with something of this magnitude at that age (i have enough trouble at THIS age), and i was a bloody vegetable as compared to herself. i haven't seen her since tuesday, so i can't really judge her condition but by what her mam says, but hopefully she'll start recovering soon.

2001-09-15T09:02:00.000-07:00

the news just confirmed i was 100% on-target with the looting suspicions, in case you were wondering. who're the anti-american misanthropes now, hmmm? apparently they actually arrested a load of people and stopped accepting volunteers down the wtc way as a result of this, so not only did it happen, it happened on a pretty large scale. you know, if more people had the faith in their fellow man that i do, they never would've been able to get this far.

what's really starting to give me the creeps now is all this patriotism-cum-xenophobia running rampant thru this country now. as i said before, i'm all for the waving of american flags and support for a country under attack, and i have NEVER been against people being proud of and defending where they were born. but i've been hearing some pretty damn nasty shit lately, and it's all totally unwarranted. do you know how many people have told me to "go the fuck back where i came from" since tuesday? i couldn't even begin to tell you. and this is even considering i'm irish, not arab, the neighbourhood i live in is like 75% irish nationals. i'm sure if i was living elsewhere it'd be worse, and we already covered the topic of arab-bashing. i've been told-off for not being a citizen (i'm not, but HELLO? i'm not fucking ELIGIBLE as i've only been here two years and the minimum's FIVE) and of course accused of being a member of the ira. not like the ira has ANY FUCKING THING TO DO WITH ANY OF THIS or they EVER ATTACKED ANYONE IN AMERICA...but hey, it's a topic of conversation, right? goddamn morons

2001-09-14T21:51:00.000-07:00

jesus, this is bad. the city's still like a goddamn ghost town. getting off the train at 59th street this morning i felt like the victim of a freakin' nuclear holocaust...right there, in the dead centre of midtown manhattan, the streets were practically empty. i don't think i have EVER seen it so bloody empty. it was fucking scary, that, and what was worse, the people who WERE there were staggering about like a load of zombies, most of 'em wearing those damn red-white-and-blue ribbons. i'd been wondering just a little while before if everyone else was still as numb and shell-shocked as i was and i think i've gotten my answer.

from the train station to the job, i spotted about 5 posters stapled up by families looking for their missing loved ones. one in particular really hit me, he and i shared the same birthday, right down to the year. but the worst bit of all was each one of them had a photo...all photos of these people's jovial, smiling faces. if only they'd known as those snapshots were being taken what the future held in store for them...
yeah, i know i'm supposed to say "hope springs eternal" right about now, but i'm starting to think it's about time we all faced reality. some people will no doubt be found alive, but most will not. however, while i doubt if any positive news will come to the families that posted those flyers, i do hope they'll manage to inject a little dose of reality into all those who think all's well cos THEY and THEIR loved ones escaped unharmed. those pictures could be of ANY of us, and who's to say someday they won't be?

2001-09-14T05:53:00.000-07:00

if the lot of you hate me already and think me an anti-american misanthrope already, it's only about to get worse.

i'm here listening to the radio, getting ready for work, and something just hit me. you know, they're on there talking about all these folks working ceaselessly, trying to find survivors and identify bodies. i found this fairly hard to believe to begin with, but they mentioned something just now that makes it all fall together. in order to identified disembodied parts, they're asking for information from families about what colour nail varnish the women wear and what sort of JEWELLERY and WEDDING RING INSCRIPTIONS they have. yes, now this all makes sense. okay, i can believe the firemen and such are there totally focused on looking for their missing mates, but a good deal of the "good samaritans"? i'd bet my ass most of 'em are there to loot the bodies and whatever might be left of the shops in the fallen buildings.
now i'm not saying this is how i myself think, i mean, you don't see me down there picking thru the mess, i'll readily admit i don't have the emotional wearwithal for the job. but people just aren't this naturally good. i have a real problem believing they are, especially in ny. people here have tunnel vision. it's themselves and no-one else. most of them i've had contact with were perfectly happy to know they were safe and everyone they knew was safe and the rest can go to hell. it's every man for himself, with a few waving american flags tossed in to give the impression of solidarity. this is not, i'm afraid, the attitude of an altruistic city.

2001-09-13T19:40:00.000-07:00

oh, yeah, one more thing. well, actually, it's a couple more things, but they're all related, to each other and to that last post of mine. someone signed the guestbook on my website today expressing the opinion that racism isn't bad. that's pretty freakin' disturbing, if you ask me, but it DOES prove my last point. well sorta, anyway...cos what's really scary is she claimed to be english. the other thing has to do with a shitload of email i got over the last few posts i made in this blog. i will be responding to them shortly...didn't have the time today...but regarding the negative ones...perhaps some of ye really should've given what i said some thought before spewing your bullshit. i am NOT bloody anti-american. but i'm not stupidly optimistic, either. if you ARE stupidly optimistic and you DO find what i'm saying to be anti-american, please use a bit more creativity when calling me so, as that particular term is waaaaay too easy to shoot down.

2001-09-13T19:30:00.000-07:00

right. here i go again.

first off, let me express to you all how much i fucking hate aol. email is the best and fastest way to get in contact with people during this time, but it's fairly impossible to read/send mail when you can't fucking get online. so aol, YOU SUCK. now onto my next item of business...

as i mentioned before, my cousin, fireman eoin is officially among the living, which is one giant weight off my mind. turns out his injuries aren't even really too bad, and as i resume work manana, i will be dropping by the hospital to see him and of course beat the living shit out of him for scaring me as he did. ;)
however, my sister's friend who works in the trade centre is still yet to be found. we all just have to keep telling ourselves not to make any premature judgements...while he hasn't shown up alive yet, he also hasn'tshown up dead...so, whatever that's worth...

alright. now for today's big fucking beef. the american flags. no, i do not have a problem with people flying the american flag, i actually think it's a wonderful symbol of national solidarity and honestly find it rather sad it takes a tragedy like this to bring people together in such a way. what pisses me off, however, is how some are already capitalising on this. you see, i was comisserating with friends down on 204th street in the bronx today, and on that main thoroughfare is a shop called stellas discount centre. stella, or whoeverdafeck the woman that owns the place is, apparently bought out all the star spangled banners from all the 99-cent stores on the block (which number about 15) and repriced them to sell them in her shop. one-dollar flags went for 4 bucks and the 2-for-a-dollar models went for 2 bucks. and she was getting it, too, what with all the mad patriotism going around and everyone else being ever-so-strangely ALL SOLD OUT of flags. in fact, the way people were leaving the shop with flags, the load of us thought she was giving 'em out for nothing. i, of course, needed to put my two cents in and tell her she was the very embodiment of anti-americanism, and she, of course, had to respond by calling me the same. fucking white-trash bitch. at least 5000 people dead and she's using the situation to make a buck. i'd known deep down this'd happen but it doesn't stop it from being shocking when it does.

it's also fairly disturbing the way people are treating arab-americans up this way. arab-americans make up a pretty large percentage of the population of the bronx, and an even bigger percentage of shop-owners and petrol station owners. again, i sorta figured some ignoramuses were going to make life hell for these poor people, but it still shocked me when i saw some of the grafitti and heard some of what they were saying. i happened to pass a shop at one point today where the daughter of the owner, a kid about 15, was lucky enough to find a dead cat in a box that was left on the shop's door-step. jesus christ! a dead fucking cat. some mad motherfucker killed a goddamn cat to prove a point...a point that HAS NO BLOODY POINT cos the victims are fucking AMERICANS. when this kid started screaming to her father, she did it with a bloody BRONX ACCENT!!! when the hell are these goddamn morons gonna realise the people who live HERE do not have ANY more to do with this than the rest of us do? if we get bombed, they'll be as dead as we will. i'm sure there were arab-americans in those twin towers when they went down, perhaps a few arab police officers and firemen as well. here am i, the big goddamn foreigner, and i can see this plain as day but for some reason all these pseudo-liberal, solidarity-spewing american prats can't. they don't even know what that bloody flag they're waving so proudly stands for. i've said it before and i'll say it again...the racism and ethnic division in this country is its biggest weakness. diversity is what made this country great in it's heyday, and ironically, it's also what's bringing it to its knees today. so long as everyone's fighting each other within the country, how the hell can they fight off intruders from outside? tell me that, please.

2001-09-12T17:45:00.000-07:00

eoin's alive and well...or alive at least and down in st vincents hospital. that's a fuckin' relief. triona's mate's still mia. and i need a drink. i just thought i'd share all that with ye before i go.

yeah, and a parting note...with all the talk of nostradamus, i wonder if the pogues were making a prophesy..."too many sad days/too many tuesday mornings"...i'm out....

2001-09-12T08:53:00.000-07:00

jesus h christ. just when i thought it couldn't get any fucking worse, it does. (this is why i don't do optimism) i just learned not too long ago my cousin...my LITTLE cousin, a WHOLE FUCKING YEAR younger than me...great friend, bandmate, drinking buddy...is among the 200-some-odd missing firemen from yesterday's catastrophe. i'm still trying to figure out what the fuck he was doing down that neighbourhood, he doesn't even bloody well WORK down there. i suppose he was one of the lucky uptown bastards they sent out to minister to the ailing masses. SHIT, man...this has got to be the most incoherent writing i've done sober to date, but i don't goddamn care. this whole thing seemed like it couldn't get any worse when it involved thousands of people i DIDN'T know personally, but now it's just fucking UNREAL. the kid's just bloody MISSING, as are loads of other people, and there isn't a stinkin' thing anyone can do about it. i am not even thinking about further terrorist attacks right now. i fucking REFUSE to think about it. i'm concentrating my energies on thinking absolutely nothing.

we have my little sister, the one studying the year at nyu, as well as her two fellow transfer students from ul, one of them being the sister of one of my flatmates, staying with us as they've fairly well evacuated lower manhattan and that's incidentally where their uni-owned flat is. i think my sister has had a complete breakdown, she keeps pacing the goddamn apartment swearing up and down we all have anthrax. late last evening, the lads and i were going down the pub (they're all open up this way and well so, we DO need something to drown our sorrows in) and asked the girls to join us. the other two were game, but maeve wouldn't fucking leave the house. i wonder if we'll even get her out into the street again. i am THIS fucking close to totally losing it with her and telling her straight out right if these fuckers were going to bomb us or drop some sort of deadly virus on us or whatever the fuck else she thinks they're going to do to us, she's going to be toast no matter WHERE she's hiding out, so better it should be someplace with ceol agus craic...and a whole shitload of drink. we ALL feel bloody helpless, how could we not? but i, as well as most of the others, am trying to completely empty my mind of it for the moment. this is the kind of thing, if you ruminate on it, you'll either kill yourself or kill someone else, and i'm really not in the mood for anymore death right now.

interesting note, though. you know how they're all asking for blood donations? well, if you ain't american, they don't want your blood. i was told so. i think they're afraid we're going to give them foot and mouth or something. fuck. i'll just leave them to their own devices then. i can't even be bothered at this point getting insulted. i just want to hear the news that the only reason my cousin's missing is cos he too was down the pub, and holding his liquor badly as he does, he past out under a table and was overlooked. hope springs eternal, as they say...

2001-09-11T17:04:00.000-07:00

two unbelievable things have happened. first, though far less important, i got my laptop back. why is that less important, you ask? well, cos now there is no longer any such thing as the world trade centre, that's why. yes, some crazy motherfuckers blew the twin towers away this morning, killing pretty much everyone in and around them, using two hijacked american passenger aeroplanes as weapons. i found this out right as i finished up that LAST entry, as someone came running into the hotel roaring that new york was being evacuated. up til then all i knew was that ONE plane had crashed into ONE of the towers, which, while a tragedy, just seemed to be an accident. but no, this wasn't an accident, this was a fucking all-out terrorist attack. the restaurant proceeded to close, and those of us working there were sent home. or something like that. there wasn't too far we could go with the subways and express buses not running. so i did the only thing i could think to do, with a few calls on my trusty mobile, i convened all my mates i knew would be in the city at the time in a pub on 93rd street, as far away from the disaster as humanly possible. once we knew we were all alive and accounted for, we proceeded to drain the bar at the kinsale tavern. they have 35 beers on tap, really. i counted 'em. drank 'em as well, all the while watching new york one coverage of the buildings falling in slow motion and dubya running his mouth about how he's praying for the victims and all that crap and up the usa...i'll give him up the usa. up his ass. yet again, i was forced to wonder what the hell had possessed me to move to this infernal country in the first place, and judging from the reactions of my friends and my two sisters here, i can tell i'm not alone in my sentiment. i was itching to go home before but now i'm hell-bent. i am fucking sick of living in a goddamn international target, and all these bloody ignoramuses around me cheering on the violence. waving their goddamn flags, being proud of america. america would sell us ALL up the river in a second, these good, proud citizens as quickly as a cynical mick like myself.

now, if you'll excuse me, i am going to go surf the net. there isn't much else i can do, i mean, it's not like i'm going into the CITY or anything...

2001-09-11T07:25:00.000-07:00

okay. so the laptop needed to go down to texas to be fixed, and it should be returning to my home via fedex any day now. as for the gateway morons, i hear a few of them were let go, but i honestly couldn't be arsed going back to that infernal shop to find out. i'll just take the district manager's word for it.

in other news, if you know what's good for you, you will go out right now and commandeer yourself a copy of the rackets by one thomas kelly. it kicks ass, especially if you know new york and the legions of irish-american scumsuckers that inhabit it. ;)

that's all for now...ta...

2001-09-07T07:59:00.000-07:00

sweet jaysus, mary, and joseph! i say this because it's how my late great-aunt marguerite used to introduce news like this and i just really felt like doing an impression of her at the moment. anyway, on to the news. i believe i may have single-handedly cost a whole shopload of people their jobs. this isn't exactly what i was going for, i mean, i just wanted my fuckin' laptop back, but it was a nice, pleasing added bonus. you see, i DID go up to gateway country last evening, and i DID raise a ruckus and demand to see my computer, which they were obviously holding hostage in the back of the shop. the little underage fuck at the front counter made the grievous error of getting a (markedly homosexual) attitude with me, at which point i calmly shrugged, said "okay", and left. the sonofabitch must've thought he got off pretty easy, seeing as what originally appeared to be a mad psychotic irishman on the warpath with a bit of a problem using his "indoor voice" just walked out of the place without so much as a final "fuck you".

ah, but it wasn't over. no, it had just begun.

pissed off to hell, i drove back to my apartment and immediately got on the phone with about 50 different people who were at least remotely connected with gateway. i didn't particularly care who they were, but apparently someplace in the shuffle, i rang the right guy, some manager of some sort in the main office someplace in middle america. well, he told me why my computer hadn't been fixed yet. the tossers at the yonkers shop hadn't even called in for the fucking replacement part. boy, oh boy, was he pissed off. i think he may've even been more pissed off than i was, but just to make sure, i threw a few good words into the convo, such as "better business bureau" and "attorney general's office", and of course, the all-powerful "discrimination against immigrants". god bless america! by the time i was off the phone, not only had the order been finally placed, but the manager of my local gateway branch as well as half the people under him were put on notice.

personally, i hope the kid at the desk was one of 'em. little fruitcake he is, he should really enjoy his pink slip. ;)

oh, yeah, and i'll be seeing my computer again sometime next week.

2001-09-06T06:31:00.000-07:00

so you're all probably wondering where i've been. or not. but i'll tell ye anyway...i was as previously stated on holiday home for most of august, and while i DID have a WORKING (more on this shortly) laptop with me most of the time i quite honestly had a) a whole shitload of better things to do than go online and b) nothing worth bitching over, surprisingly, 'cept the family shit, and no-one really wants to hear about that.

but now it's ALL back...me AND all the fuckin' problems that go with me. you see, some time during the last week of my holiday, i lent out my laptop to someone for a HALF HOUR EMAIL SESSION...a half hour that ultimately led to the demise of my computer's chassis (did you even know a computer HAD a chassis? i did not. we learn new things every day, eh?) in layman's terms what this means is this motherfucker fucked up my keyboard so that now things like the "m" key and the spacebar are of no use to anyone. i thought i could fix this, but unable to do so, upon my return to the united states, i hauled ass and computer up to gateway country to take advantage of my warrantee/guarantee-type thing. i was told right there what the problem was, a very simple problem to remedy, apparently, and that it would all be fixed by same time next week. next week rolled around, however, and when i returned for my machine, i was told it was NOT ready yet and i should just come back NEXT week. FUCK. this'll teach me to call ahead. so on the next week mark, yesterday, i chose to ring gateway instead of just wasting my time marching up there. when i did, though, i did not get the definite answer i was expecting. the lady on the phone could quite obviously not give a flying philadelphia fuck about me or my bloody computer. so after work today, i am going up there in person and i am gonna kick someone's ass.

by the way, if you're wondering where the hell i got the computer to type this, gateway did NOT give me a temporary replacement. i am at work, shirking off duty as usual.

2001-08-09T17:55:00.000-07:00

i realise yet again i have neglected the blog. i am a bad, bad man. but as usual i have an excuse, and this time it's a winner. i would tell you about it except i arrived home yesterday evening and i am still horribly jet-lagged as well as slightly tipsy and it is very very late. so i won't tell you just now. okay? okay.....

2001-07-18T07:26:00.000-07:00

one of the greatest things about starbucks is the simple fact that once you're sitting, there are no irritating waitstaff to hover over you, take your chow away, and force you on your way 15 minutes sooner than you would've liked the way there are at more upscale cafes. so why the hell have they now decided to designate baristas to stalk the place like madpeople and try to scare us off when we aren't done yet? yesterday in starbucks, for the first time ever, i had the same roving freakin' barista approach me TWICE and attempt to carry off a cup of coffee that obviously still had some life in it. WHAT THE FUCK IS IT WITH THESE PEOPLE??? if you don't want me stinking out your bloody cafe, the least you could do is tell me BEFORE i park my ass and get comfortable.

my take on the whole thing is this...the "waiters" have been employed cos a lot of the royalty that patronises starbucks thinks they're too damn good to clean up after themselves, and SOMEONE needs to ensure the place doesn't end up a pigsty. so you know what? maybe the filthmongers ought to learn to tidy up after themselves. cos if they don't and i end up having to TIP some bollocks for chasing me off my coffee break early, someone will die. oh yes...i can assure you of that...someone will pay for making me waste a half-cup of $4 coffee...

2001-07-15T17:47:00.000-07:00

i am totally fucking sick and tired of how casually some people toss the word "retard" around and how goddamn free they are laughing at people who are DISABLED as if these people can bloody well HELP IT. perhaps this bothers me a bit more than it does most other people because i happen to have a sister with downs syndrome, and since she was born almost 17 years ago i have had to listen to the same bullshit over and over again from people with the common decency of fruit flies who quite honestly make HER look like albert frickin' einstein.

mental retardation is not that rare. i'm quite sure most of the morons who think it's so goddamn hilariously funny to call people "retards" and generally slag on the mentally challenged know at least one person in their lives who's afflicted. and so far as downs syndrome is concerned, it too is fairly common, and just about all of us, whether we know someone with it personally or not, know what it looks like. i know funny when i see it and downs syndrome is not funny in any respect, nor is it sickening or shocking, and there is no excuse to act like an asshole around people who have it. they have enough problems to deal with as is, without the likes of these smart-asses giving them trouble. with my kid sister, we were fairly lucky. she's healthy and nearly on-level in school. other kids didn't have it so well. more than a few of her friends developed heart problems and leukaemia over the years related to the genetic defect and passed away. these are other people's dead children we're talking about. this is how fucking FUNNY downs syndrome is. a bloody riot. so long as it isn't YOUR kid. and believe you me, it could easily be YOUR kid...and one day it might be.

my sister put it the best...once when out on the playground someone started giving out to her. "yeah, i've got downs syndrome...what's YOUR excuse?"

2001-07-12T16:29:00.000-07:00

cj sullivan of the new york press, go n-ithe na gráinneoga cealgrúnacha do thóin bheagmhaitheasach. no, i don't expect you to know what that means, mr sullivan, but you can take it as a big thankyou for finally acknowledging there is something in the your old neighbourhood that is not dangerous and evil and menacing. too bad i didn't see you at that st barnabas match, though, cos then i would've beaten your fat narrowback ass so hard your mamma coulda felt it. hmm...i wonder if you could count that as menacing...

2001-07-05T20:59:00.000-07:00

i'm sick. and i can't take any more days off on account of the arse-licking j1s i have somehow been given the pleasure of being put in charge of. fuck that shit. part of me wishes i would just die already and let it be over with.

okay. so maybe i'm exaggerating just a bit. but i do mean JUST A BIT...

2001-06-24T17:45:00.000-07:00

whoa...i haven't posted to this thing in, like...AGES. perhaps it's cos all was sunny and bright in my life these past few weeks and i haven't had anything to complain about. or maybe it was just cos i was too bloody lazy. hmm...i'm guessing the latter. ;)

but now i'm back with a vengeance, and i've a brand-new complaint to regale ye with. ready? i hate touchy people. and more than just your run-of-the-mill touchy people, i hate touchy people who are only touchy and sensitive when it comes to themselves. let me explain. i know someone, no names mentioned here, just some stupid ass sonofabitch i have no idea WHY i bother with him...who spends most of his time slagging on everyone else in the most lame-ass way imaginable...sometimes being downright offensive in the name of a "joke". i leave him go 99.9% of the time because i am not a touchy person. however, the other day i sorta just flipped on him. you see, it's not only that he inflicts his bullshit on all of us, but then if anyone gives it back to him...even just a bit of ribbing...he goes berserk. my confrontation went sorta like this : he slagged on me, i slagged on him back, he got pissed off, and then i just lost it. if i wanted to be personally insulted in an iliterate, disjointed way, i'd turn to the abuse-a-tron. at least that thing has an "off" button.

you would think the problem would end there. but it didn't. i don't know if the little fuck has the hots for me or what, but just when i thought i'd rid myself of him forever, i came home to 3 telephone messages from him, as well as an email. i believe now i have created for myself a brand-new stalker. does life get any better than this?

goddamn, i hope so.

2001-06-08T14:23:00.000-07:00

i have two complaints today. one is about this blog. where the fuck are all my posts going? i really would like to know. i can see them when i log in to my account, but if i just visit the page like everyone else, all i see is stuff from weeks ago.
it is true what they say : to err is human, but to really screw up you need a computer.

my second complaint involves the sun. i was at the beach earlier today, and an absolutely beautiful frickin' day it was, so beautiful that i quite honestly could not think of a single thing that could ruin it. that is, until i felt the skin on the back of my neck begin to sizzle. now i am home applying emergency first aid to the 75% of my body that is covered with 3rd degree burns in the hopes that somehow i'll be in little enough pain in the next couple of hours that i'll be able to go out tonight and get drunk enough to forget the smell of my own burning flesh.

2001-06-01T21:17:00.000-07:00

i used to defend the nypd. i used to say they were getting a bad rap. now i'm mad as hell and i'm not going to take it anymore.

if you've any sense at all, you would probably assume as i do that the police in the bronx, murder capital of new york and probably the world, where everybody has a gun, a criminal record, or both, would have something better to do than hang out in gangs in the bushes off highway exits stopping people en masse to ticket them for not wearing seat belts.

but life does not always make sense, and alas and alack, on this night of torrential rain and general mother nature-induced nastiness, that is exactly what they were doing. and guess who was among those stopped? yeppers, i got it...double whammy, too, as neither myself nor my girlfriend was buckled up, so not only do i have to pay $125, i need to cough up $250. fuck. i somehow think i'd be better off never leaving the bloody house...

2001-05-29T06:05:00.000-07:00

wow. holy crap. i don't bloody frickin' believe this. online.ie mail now supports fadas. i did not think i would live to see the day.

yeah...errmm...that's all i've got to say on that. UP THE REPUBLIC!

2001-05-28T09:28:00.000-07:00

why are people so fucking self-centred? why do they expect you to drop everything and come running when they need something but find it so bloody hard to reciprocate when you need something from them? folks like that oughtta be taken out and beaten like a dusty rug.

2001-05-26T13:01:00.000-07:00

good news : i can see my blog.
bad news : thus far my memorial day week-end activities, which i went out of my way to get days off for, have only included grocery shopping and posting to said blog.
well, unless you count last night, when after working two straight shifts i made the aggriegious error of going to avery fisher hall with my girlfriend to see something i have still yet to make any sense of. you think working from 8 to 8 with a burning sore throat sucks? try having to interpret interpretive dance after that. moral of this story : never, EVER...no matter HOW bad you feel, let HER pick where you're going.

(the only positive side to last night's story is that once it was all over and done with, she agreed with me 100%. of course she did. after all, i can't be wrong ALL THE TIME)

2001-05-25T08:27:00.000-07:00

i am the owner of this blog, yet, whenever i try to view it, i am told i am not authorised. WHAT DA FECK? if i'm not authorised to see it then WHO THE HELL IS?

hmm...perhaps the blog does not really exist...it is like kenmare and everything else that pretends to be real in my life...arrrgghhhh!!!

*crawls back under the duvet...and runs into some old guy in red silk boxers...remembers suddenly why escapism doesn't fly when you work in a hotel*

yikes...that'll teach me to hide in random hotel rooms...

2001-05-24T17:45:00.000-07:00

whoa...wanna hear something scary? i was out for lunch this afternoon and when i looked up at the sky there was this BIG BALL OF LIGHT there. it was so bright in fact it lit up the whole street. i hadn't seen anything like it in such a long time i almost didn't know what to make of it. i was near ready to ring the main office of the enquirer when i realised...we weren't being invaded...THE SUN had come out! alleluia!

and then i had to go back inside.

2001-05-23T17:48:00.000-07:00

say you have aids.cancer. fucking RABIES even. these are legitimate illnesses. illnesses with NAMES...that make people feel SORRY for you. seasonal allergies, however, just do not pack that same punch. allergies suck. you don't see them coming and they make you just sick enough to feel like total shite but not quite sick enough to miss work or shirk off all responsibility and take to your bed.
yeah...that's all i've gotta say about that. i'm going to go take some benadryl now...fuck...fuck....fuck....

2001-05-22T19:20:00.000-07:00

i just dialed information in kerry to get a phone number for someone in kenmare. the operator informed me she could not get the number because the town of kenmare does not exist. hmm...i grew up in kenmare...lived there for most of my life. so by saying kenmare doesn't exist, this woman is basically telling me i don't exist. damn. i'm glad i got THAT cleared up...

2001-05-22T08:22:00.000-07:00

if you've ever ridden public transport in new york during the morning rush, it should be perfectly clear why colin ferguson did what he did way back when. riding with these fucking people is enough to drive anyone to slaughter. they are rude, pushy, and practise unbelievably bad personal hygiene. and this, my dear friends, is by NEW YORK STANDARDS.

here's a few things in particular that bother me...

when we're getting off the train, and processing up the stairs into the street, and someone stops in front of me, the laws of physics will not allow me to walk through that person, no matter how much i or those behind me would like me to. therefore, it is pointless, not to mention goddamn frickin' RUDE for those behind me to push, shove, and kick me. i really have no idea what they're trying to accomplish. the same laws that prevent me from walking through the person in front of me also prevent THEM from walking through ME, so if that's what they're going for, their efforts will be fruitless. at any rate, no matter WHAT they're looking to do, they better quit soon cos i am quite certain that the next person to kick me on the stairs is going to have their kicking leg ripped off and they're going to be beaten to a pulp with it.

when the centre of the train car is empty, and the areas by the doors are becoming crowded, in the mind of a semi-logical human being, it goes without saying that we should all start gravitating toward the middle in order to let other people on. however, seeing as the majority of folks in this city are to say the least NOT LOGICAL, they don't do this. they instead allow people to get caught in doors or trampled...i swear to god, for their own amusement.

seats are for arses, not for rucksacks. while it's perfectly okay to rest your belongings on the seat beside you on an EMPTY train, it is NOT okay to leave an old lady with a walking stick stand because you're too fucking lazy to lift your bag up and put it on your lap. the day you pay for two seats is the day you can use two seats. till then....MOVE YER FUCKIN' BAG!!!

people suck...they really really do.

2001-05-21T21:32:00.000-07:00

god alFUCKINmighty. i know i go around spewing complaints about the stupidity of the general public, but you will notice i never claim to be any sort of genius. i just acknowledge that i'm not a total moron like most of them. why do i make this point? well, it's simple. some folks seem to think that besides commenting on the idiocy of those around them, they also have to remind us how bloody brilliant THEY are. they remember the results of every IQ test they ever took and can read you back the results 10 years after the fact. they honestly believe they are smarter than you and what's worse they HONESTLY EXPECT YOU TO BELIEVE IT AS WELL!!!!
please, if any of you self-proclaimed geniuses (genii??) are reading this (and by golly, you know who you are) YOU ARE NOT FOOLING ANYONE!!!! not ME, not anyone ELSE with half a wit of intelligence, and i am quite sure, deep down, not even yourself. so give it up. please.